Health: Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing...

By PrintMaster - United States

Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML

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Health

Triage

Rich people problems

Keep your distance

By Pickle - United States

Today, I finally got around to doing laundry. The washing machines in my condominium building take about an hour to do a load. When I returned to throw my clothes in a dryer, I realized they were never washed in the first place. I used my card and detergent to pay for another person's laundry. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

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By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

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By redcherries90 - United States

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

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By skyinthesky - United States - Pasadena

Today, I bought a desk for my new apartment. After ignoring the warnings on the box saying it should not be carried alone, I made it all the way to my apartment with the desk. I walked in the door and dropped it on my foot. FML

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By lolk - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

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By ohhhgross - Singapore

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

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By rawr101 - Australia

Today, I got a text from my ex: "I miss you." I was happy to hear this, so I replied "Really?" I got in return "Not really, I'm just really horny and thinking of you." FML

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By FMyJob - Australia - Ashfield

Today, despite having my 5-day-leave approved 2 months ago, my boss demanded I return to work in the middle of it. Why? She wants to go on a vacation and no one else is available at such short notice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

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By mini matthylde - France - Nantes

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

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By blood buddies - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

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By Umwhat

Today, my boss wanted to talk to me. Nervous, I went to her office. Turns out that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, and my boss is worried about me. Apparently, I lie about my bad knees, and me wearing black leggings is horrible. Most of them wear sweatpants on a daily basis. FML

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By Gus - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

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By superman_not - United Kingdom

Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Waldorf

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

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By ericane27 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

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By fmlsomuch - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

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By kirassi919 - United States - North Wales

Today, I decided to help my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

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By leigh2812 - France

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

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By Dashofweak - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

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By unknown - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

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By MeAgainDr... - Australia - South Perth

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

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By YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THE CUSTOMER - United States - Sherwood

Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML

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By theynamedmeluke - United States - Austin

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

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By JimmyT - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I can fit back into the clothes I wore in High School. I was proud of this until my husband told me that I look like a stuffed sausage in them. FML

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By zinka - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

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By thicklysettled - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

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By atetoeate - United States

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

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By meme71

Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

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Top comments

By VoodooGypsy | 2

#1112785 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:56

I always used to put my face in the mist when I was a kid. Not a big deal.

By CallMeHush | 0

#1112840 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:02

Oh the HORROR!

COMMENTS

By _streets_ | 19

#1112783 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:56

lol WTF? fyl

destinyisdead | 5

#1112811 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:59

ahh. you are such a whimp if you think that's gonna hurt you. you probably needed it. if you took more showers you wouldn't be so alarmed at water hitting you in the face.

WTFjizzinmypantz | 0

#1112818 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:00

hahah fail

the_flirtt | 0

#1112826 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:00

wow this is a lame fml

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1112879 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:06

You should start licking the mist. Haha

Arsonnist | 3

#1112888 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:07

Haha tricked ya.

the_flirtt | 0

#1112905 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:09

wat lmao ?

missmurderx | 8

#1112908 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:10

exactly; lame.
how'd this get passed?!
it's not an fml; it's more like an ehh, shit happens moment.
silly kid. xD

Shokz992 | 0

#1112942 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:15

And the fact you instinctively looked up? Stupid FML.

Arsonnist | 3

#1113006 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:32

Retard on aisle 12. Jk op.

Generalx3 | 0

#1113026 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:35

this is not a legit fml. o.o

whoooop | 0

#1113073 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:43

what a fag

kfrizzle2 | 4

#1113145 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:57

I smell my armpits.

abcdefghijKayla | 0

#1113177 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:03

oh my god, you are so stupid.

Generalx3 | 0

#1113185 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:03

why was this put thru? o.o

Shookitup | 0

#1113242 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:21

fail.

holysmokes420 | 0

#1113280 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:29

no. you

MrWTF_fml | 2

#1113287 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:31

op I think you were stinking up the store so they had to give you a shower hahahahah

YourEvilHero | 12

#1113308 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:40

I like toput my hands in the mist, then all the germy dirty water drips onto the food

hales1919 | 3

#1113372 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 11:18

ahah if I saw that I would laugh at you

nyrangers1022 | 6

#1113441 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 12:07

its just mist, u dont get soaked from it. how did i never notice that vegetable aisles have sprinklers

OhWowFYLindeed | 0

#1113665 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 13:31

It's just water, chill. :) Itll dry off.

love_musik | 0

#1113872 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:50

I agree with the above ^^
you aren't going to melt or anything. and it was a sprinkler right not a downpour....

gabbster95 | 0

#1114592 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:33

Free Shower!!!!!!!!

megiscool123 | 0

#1114609 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:41

hahah see if I were u i'd be laughing

msyelowbubblegum | 0

#1114993 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 20:04

hahahahahahha oh wow stupid :P no biggy except its kinda embarassing and it hirts ur eyes for a lil bit get over it :) haha

DiscountDJ25 | 0

#1118220 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 7:03

It seems that some of the employees there found out how to work the watering system.
Sounds like a joke I would do.

TiffanyBlews27 | 0

#1119613 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 17:58

... Maybe the OP was afraid of melting? lol

By VoodooGypsy | 2

#1112785 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:56

I always used to put my face in the mist when I was a kid. Not a big deal.

isaiaha11 | 2

#1114419 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:47

agree and did the same^

sourgirl101 | 28

#1114469 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:58

Ya they have those mist machines at Disney. So refreshing on a hot day.

twinny_sc | 13

#1115522 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:31

#2 I still do that...

By cbr600_fml | 0

#1112787 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:56

this is not a fml so u got a little wet big deal

By danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1112789 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:56

oh wow laaamme

By shea627 | 20

#1112791 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:57

I love those

serbodude | 0

#1113139 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:56

your picture makes you sound/look sarcastic

serbodude | 0

#1113152 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:59

nvm. this one mad kid said that he loved the shower things. I swear he was here a minute ago...

serbodude | 0

#1113158 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:00

WTF!?! there he is!

Freeze_fml | 16

#1113271 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 10:28

I think it's a girl.

956TXking | 0

#1114153 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:49

WTF is it?

shea627 | 20

#1114614 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:41

well I'm trying to change it but my computer broke and I don't think I can do it from
my phone

serbodude | 0

#1115045 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 20:18

it was a different picture when I wrote my first comment. no offence to " Shea " but I can't tell what gender you are

By Doomire | 0

#1112798 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:57

why was this passed? the exact same FML was posted earlier today....

_streets_ | 19

#1112902 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:09

this is a very stupid fml I do not understand how it got passed either.

By aznkimmy77 | 0

#1112801 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:58

Haha. I love those little spray things xP

By MotherGrimm | 0

#1112805 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:58

Deffinately not an FML

By hsshae | 0

#1112836 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:01

bitch got sprayed haha

By CallMeHush | 0

#1112840 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 9:02

Oh the HORROR!