By Amanda Howard

Says something about you, probably

Today, my brother, who recently got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery, got a job at Target. I applied to the same Target six times, and was denied every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1855

You deserved it

154

Favorite

Messed up

Season finale

Still better off without him

By joe - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59581

You deserved it

8575

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13423

You deserved it

34567

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By Anon - United States

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47452

You deserved it

7295

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By Estranged Fiance - United States

Today, my fiance got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7632

You deserved it

3167

Favorite

By kitty - United States

Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26401

You deserved it

3141

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/3/2021 03:00 - Philippines - Manila

Can't win

Today, my mom told me to stop using my phone and talk to them, but whenever I do that, they just end up yelling at me and telling me to go to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

798

You deserved it

Favorite

By IPityTheStool - United Kingdom

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38393

You deserved it

7577

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76479

You deserved it

8663

Favorite

By Hilary - Australia

Today, I was trying to relieve a dog that looked like it was choking because it was tied to a pole while its owner was in a restaurant. The owner called a security guard because she was convinced I was trying to steal her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26072

You deserved it

4679

Favorite

By Gw - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38092

You deserved it

2868

Favorite

By Anonymous

Excitation morning

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1831

You deserved it

623

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Medina

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4187

You deserved it

336

Favorite

By drummerboy - United States

Today, I practiced my drum playing in the garage instead of my room out of consideration for my neighbors. Guess the consideration wasn't mutual, because one of my neighbors just shot a hole in one of my drums with an air gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13108

You deserved it

2052

Favorite

By andrew

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6161

You deserved it

911

Favorite

By HairyLeggedItalian - United States

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24683

You deserved it

9181

Favorite

By rock'n roller

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55573

You deserved it

6437

Favorite

By maxkeyftw - United States - Clovis

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47555

You deserved it

4276

Favorite

By El Sayer - United States - Saint Paul

Hey, Big Spender!

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1708

You deserved it

164

Favorite

By madseason - United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45752

You deserved it

4719

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28989

You deserved it

4007

Favorite

By A.W - United States

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32937

You deserved it

2238

Favorite

By in love with a nerd - United States

Lrn 2 Read

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1449

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By kitty - Australia

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29754

You deserved it

2991

Favorite

By knuckleheadknock

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9187

You deserved it

673

Favorite

By Wmsys32pr9 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

273089

You deserved it

30716

Favorite

By Ennui - United States

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27051

You deserved it

10110

Favorite

By Sheila - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

The Voice (of the future)

Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

708

You deserved it

1566

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39680

You deserved it

20379

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got feedback on an essay I wrote, by my mum who is also a teacher. She said it was 'worse than most of her pupils'. She teaches 10-year-olds. I'm a 20-year-old student at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14638

You deserved it

21582

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36845

You deserved it

6678

Favorite

By fuckit - United States - American Fork

Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17066

You deserved it

1182

Favorite

By AndieApocalypse - United States

Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30916

You deserved it

6351

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

I agree, your life sucks

30694

You deserved it

2303

Favorite

By farhia97 - United States

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7209

You deserved it

54695

Favorite

By Anonymous - France - Sardieu

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44982

You deserved it

3363

Favorite

By nemo518 - Canada

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45986

You deserved it

9396

Favorite

By Aether - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

136661

You deserved it

7575

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34527

You deserved it

3649

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37885

You deserved it

2344

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56560

You deserved it

4119

Favorite

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Top comments

By Anne Joan | 3

#7901043 - Monday 27 April 2020 4:17

They get a tax kickback for hiring ex-cons

By RichardPencil | 30

#7901026 - Monday 27 April 2020 2:37

He has work experience. You don't.

Go knock over a few liquor stores and then re-apply to Target.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7901026 - Monday 27 April 2020 2:37

He has work experience. You don't.

Go knock over a few liquor stores and then re-apply to Target.

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7901721 - Wednesday 29 April 2020 0:39

Or rob Target itself. They'll hire her on the spot.

By Anne Joan | 3

#7901043 - Monday 27 April 2020 4:17

They get a tax kickback for hiring ex-cons

Isaac Shields | 9

#7901415 - Tuesday 28 April 2020 7:56

also I believe target is a participant of an ex con rehab program that helps hire out of prison

By s_ve | 7

#7901060 - Monday 27 April 2020 6:14

Places also hire because of personality not just what’s on your resume. You should be happy he has a good job and is trying to straighten his life out. Kind of selfish of you.

Boyufd | 22

#7901192 - Monday 27 April 2020 14:22

I wouldn't say it's selfish. she's just simply pointing out that she applied more than once and never got it

By Callyn | 47

#7901222 - Monday 27 April 2020 16:40

You could be overqualified. Retail doesn't want to hire people who could leave at a moments notice.

By Laureen Takeshita_1375230115 | 5

#7901252 - Monday 27 April 2020 18:45

You should just be happy your brother has a job.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7901349 - Tuesday 28 April 2020 0:07

So did you ask them why they weren't interested in YOU? Good to hear he's got a job.

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7902035 - Thursday 30 April 2020 2:02

The joy of being overqualified