Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
truslide 0
LMAO must have been a hard kick to do that and even then, why the hell would you kick a cat that hard?
uhmfml 0
I don't think your child will be crawling in your bed anymore for a while... if ever.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (1184)
miles2190 2
maybe next time you should check BEFORE kicking, and even if you don't, you shouldn't kick so hard.
xOblivion 0
Oh no poor daughter :( I'd feel so awful I were you :(
Pittfan557 0
This is not FML your a ******* animal abuser. So you put it up here you kicked your daughter so your a shit pet owner and a parent. Learn to be responsible before having kids or getting pets. Idiot.
FreedomFirst 0
Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I know there was a time when I was so sleep-deprived I might have done something like that, if my son was old enough to get in the bed. Fortunately I had recovered by that time. I must say, though, that if you've gotten to the point your reactions are that bad, you should seek help. Sleep deprivation is one of those things people can never even begin to comprehend until they've experienced it. It will screw up your mind worse than drugs.
amylol_fml 0
omg i lol'd
supergeniuse 0
Your kid ain't gonna crawl no more.
pink_flamingo88 0
you are sick. why would you kick a cat that hard??
Pittfan557 0
You are truely an idiot You have no right to own pets or be a parent. I feel sorry for your daughter and pets you are scum of the earth.
topbanana22 0
look before u kick!!! god!!! u child abuser
FMaLex 0
How could you even kick your cat off the bed? That's abuse! Let alone kicking a two year old off the bed.