Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML
Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML
Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.
spamhands1 18
That is not nice, your better off without him
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Comments (114)
Kurby14 21
**** assholes like that. let him go. you deserve better
Destinee_1 13
Tell him he needs to grow a pair first.
interesting33 37
Sounds like he had thought about that response/insult and wanted to try it out sometime and thought this was a great opportunity. Well it was a really sucky thing of him to say. Listen to the lyrics of Tell Me Why by Taylor Swift, if it helps you aren't alone in meeting people who put others down like that. And good on you for going out there!! Please don't let this bad experience stop you!! It is like getting a job, you get a ton of rejection letters but then you get going and it gets better (apparently) and is apparently like riding a bike, you get some scrapes and fall down but then you are flying (metaphorically).
MalcolmRodrigues 9
I spent half the time trying not to look at your pic while reading your comment. Never seen one of those irl.
interesting33 37
That is because, when I am under the correct amount of pressure (deep in the ocean) I look somewhat different. You would probably look similar depressurised. Wikipedia me, some bloke drew me like one of his french girls... ;D
GeorgiaBea 28
Know your place
TheCutestLizard 28
A simple no would have sufficed.
nitrog100 21
You completely deserve it. If that guy is the man of your dreams, you either knew nothing about him, or there's something about you that would warrant such a response.
SMHsohard 22
Granted, OP most likely elevated a crush to something more serious and personal, in WHAT universe is it ok to talk to another person like that?
musoboy 22
#34: you and that douchebag should date - you'd be perfect for each other. nothing warrants that guy's response. if there was nothing about OP that he liked, he could have just as easily said "Thank you for the offer but I'm not interested." He's probably one of those guys who goes apeshit on Tinder if he gets rejected by a girl.
interesting33 37
I don't know, I might have responded similarly if the other person was really horrible or had treated other people badly and I couldn't believe they actually expected me to say yes. But never just because I wasn't interested.
ZombieSazza 34
Well, sounds like you dodged a bullet.
flyingmind_fml 17
ok call me oldfashioned but since when do girls ask boys out ?!
teentee401 37
Wow, a simple "no thanks" would have sufficed.
ouijacorn 9
You should have called his bluff and been like: okay, eat your own balls. Right now. Do it.