Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML
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Top comments
FlamingJazkinz 15
Just don't act like one and you'll be fine :D
danthehuman 29
Unlike a blow-up sex doll, you're still going on a date. :P
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Comments (55)
mattrd_fml 31
Maybe he likes sex dolls and you can use this to your advantage.
happyturtle 16
is that a bad thing or..?
counting_graves 0
Buy makeup from lush from now on!
BeautifulLiesx 24
Kylie Jenner, is that you?
smb1uam 6
To be fair, he might be into it...
mauhea 9
Youch, definitely not good timing! Some lipsticks contain nut oils which (if you have a nut allergy and depending on sensitivity) can cause reactions that range from a tingle to full-blown anaphylaxis. So if you have allergies always be paranoid and read the label as the world just might be trying to kill you!
bobsanction 18
I misread this as spicey lipstick.
jtsmommy 11
As someone with lots of allergies, I suggest trying any new make up, even just a new color from your regular brand, on the soft spot behind your ear and jaw, or the spot inside your elbow.
citrusglass 22
Hey, I have really thin lips. Do you think I could get some of that?
gamernation89 10
Haha that sucks but you got a free procedure most pay for that ?? jking but I'm sure your date would understand unless he's a complete conceded a**hole