Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML
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Top comments
FlamingJazkinz 15
Just don't act like one and you'll be fine :D
danthehuman 29
Unlike a blow-up sex doll, you're still going on a date. :P
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Comments (55)
MakeTodayADTR 20
You mean your lips were voluptuous. Look for silver linings even if they aren't there op xD
Murilirum 23
Again setting unrealistic standards for women everywhere! Looking like a blowup doll is the toughest one yet.
toaster87 19
Kylie Jenner challenge
beeferjay 34
cheer up OP, at least a Dingo didn't eat your baby. :-)
Zaneal 8
Was that really necessary?
worldclassrager 41
Apparently it was...
ilovewhatthecut_fml 12
Don't worry he'll be happy
koolkool994 28
What lipstick was it, OP?
igg125 30
Stick to brands you know.
iHyperModz 22
That could come in handy later if you know what I mean OP.
karcummings 19
so that's how kylie jenner does it…
worldclassrager 41
What the hell was in that? Well you now have a known allergy...