Kids, Parenting and Sex: Playa - FML

Playa

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, on the subject of sex, I asked my son if he uses precautions and he promised me he always gives the ladies a fake name and fake mobile phone number, like dad told him to. I might have several grandbabies I’m never going to meet, and my husband and I are going to be having words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 283

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Same thing different taste

He gets around

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 00:00

Spicy

Today, I did an actual double take when my son complained about having to block the phone number of his most recent one-night stand when she got pregnant, but luckily he gave her a fake name, so he doesn’t have to delete his Facebook. How many grandkids do I have out there you little prick? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 543

You deserved it 647

Incognito IRL

By Stressed out mom - 07/03/2018 01:30

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 158

You deserved it 3 327

Red pill bozos

By Anonymous - 06/07/2023 03:00

Today, I asked my son about girls and stuff and he told me he’s probably never going to date. I asked him why, and it turns out he’s afraid of being sent to jail if she makes any sort of false allegation against him. I told him not all women are like that, he told me I’m either naive or lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 270

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 963

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent a good few minutes watching my wife thrash our son with a pillow because despite all our warnings to him about safe sex, he and his girlfriend are going to be parents in about 6 months, and they’re both 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 540

You deserved it 15 220

By Teeny - 09/03/2010 21:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 072

You deserved it 3 458

By anonymous - 25/01/2016 14:09 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 083

You deserved it 2 036

Bad student at the school of life

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 238

No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 225

Next

Top comments

DanielleinDC 33

Monday 28 February 2022 13:22

I'm sorry you married and gave birth to a total jerk. Hopefully he's sterile or the women are using birth control.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 February 2022 14:30

Don't worry, if he does impregnate someone, he'll end up on "Maury" soon enough.

Comments

DanielleinDC 33

Monday 28 February 2022 13:22

I'm sorry you married and gave birth to a total jerk. Hopefully he's sterile or the women are using birth control.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 February 2022 14:30

Don't worry, if he does impregnate someone, he'll end up on "Maury" soon enough.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 2 303

Today, my girlfriend, for our first time having sex, wanted to do stepbrother roleplay. Not only is that odd for our first time, it’s a weird fetish to have, especially when she actually does have a stepbrother. We ended up not finishing having sex, it was too weird for me FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 279

The Top

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 364

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 969

You deserved it 480

Today, thanks to my son leaving his sharpened colouring pencils all over the sofa before I sat down, I had to go to hospital with a deep hole poked in my left testicle. I always suspected he didn’t want younger siblings but this is going too far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 128

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 139

You deserved it 1 959

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 231

You deserved it 5 520

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack, and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 432

You deserved it 13 447