Today, I woke up from surgery with nurses all giggling at me. I asked them what was wrong, and apparently I’m now famous as the guy who kept getting boners every 10 minutes, until finally the surgeon used surgical tape to stick it to my thigh to keep it out out of his way. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML
Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML
Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML
Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML
Today, I had to have two stents removed from having kidney stones, so I was strapped down to a table. The doctors were guys. I said, "I’ve had this dream before, but you two weren’t in it." I didn’t realize the female nurse was still there. It took them quite a while to stop laughing before they started.. FML
Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML
Today, while at the hospital recovering from surgery, I overheard my doctor tell one of the nurses I'm so fat I could start a grease fire if left near an open flame. They thought I was still unconscious. I wasn't. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
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Top comments
SirEnigM0nk 22
Indeed, duct-taping boners sounds...tortuous, kinky, like a really bad name for a rock band.
GlennQugmire 14
Maybe the nurses are hot
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Comments (4)
GlennQugmire 14
Maybe the nurses are hot
RichardPencil 32
Laughing at your boner? Not a good sign. They should be terrified of it!
Marcella1016 32
Surgical tape?? Ummm OUCH 😱 How’d you get it off? Some surgical lube?
Nikki 17
Surgical tape isn’t that tough, it’s not like duct tape or anything
RichardPencil 32
I live in fear that you know about duct-taping boners.
Nikki 17
So you should.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Indeed, duct-taping boners sounds...tortuous, kinky, like a really bad name for a rock band.