Health, Embarrassing and Surgery: Physical reaction - FML

Physical reaction

By Anonymous - 15/04/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up from surgery with nurses all giggling at me. I asked them what was wrong, and apparently I’m now famous as the guy who kept getting boners every 10 minutes, until finally the surgeon used surgical tape to stick it to my thigh to keep it out out of his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 091

You deserved it 223

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/07/2011 15:46 - Belgium

Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 453

You deserved it 2 694

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 529

You deserved it 3 427

By bouncekitty - 20/02/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 414

You deserved it 5 448

By shanxi - 23/05/2012 18:47 - United States

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 668

You deserved it 2 506

By Hot Pants - 01/12/2011 17:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 428

You deserved it 5 809

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 240

No time to be joking around

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 19:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, I had to have two stents removed from having kidney stones, so I was strapped down to a table. The doctors were guys. I said, "I’ve had this dream before, but you two weren’t in it." I didn’t realize the female nurse was still there. It took them quite a while to stop laughing before they started.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 343

By Anonymous - 17/05/2011 10:06 - Finland

Spicy

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 882

You deserved it 8 259

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 04:00

Today, while at the hospital recovering from surgery, I overheard my doctor tell one of the nurses I'm so fat I could start a grease fire if left near an open flame. They thought I was still unconscious. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 384

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 752

You deserved it 1 182

Next

Top comments

SirEnigM0nk 22

Saturday 16 April 2022 6:21

Indeed, duct-taping boners sounds...tortuous, kinky, like a really bad name for a rock band.

GlennQugmire 14

Friday 15 April 2022 2:05

Maybe the nurses are hot

Comments

GlennQugmire 14

Friday 15 April 2022 2:05

Maybe the nurses are hot

RichardPencil 30

Friday 15 April 2022 3:26

Laughing at your boner? Not a good sign. They should be terrified of it!

Marcella1016 31

Friday 15 April 2022 4:13

Surgical tape?? Ummm OUCH 😱 How’d you get it off? Some surgical lube?

Nikki 17

Friday 15 April 2022 5:25

Surgical tape isn’t that tough, it’s not like duct tape or anything

RichardPencil 30

Friday 15 April 2022 6:27

I live in fear that you know about duct-taping boners.

Nikki 17

Friday 15 April 2022 7:33

So you should.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Saturday 16 April 2022 6:21

Indeed, duct-taping boners sounds...tortuous, kinky, like a really bad name for a rock band.

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 348

You deserved it 14 981

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 3 850

The Top

Today, I'm in the E.R. because I broke one of my toes when my cellphone slipped from my hands after taking a shower. Needless to say, my cellphone broke too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 349

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an online blog that he updates every time we have sex. It’s ridiculously detailed, right down to the slight difference in the pink of my vagina and the slightly darker pink of my asshole. He's a dead man when he gets home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 200

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 887

You deserved it 1 528

Today, my husband filed for divorce. He also put himself “In a relationship” with my daughter on Facebook. She turned 18 a few days ago. He says it’s no big deal because, “at least I waited until she was legal.” The spineless idiot just doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 157

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 5 228

Today, I picked up my computer which had been at the repair shop for two weeks. I quickly logged on to MSN to talk to the girl who I'd been hitting on for weeks. Her profile picture was a photo of herself with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 755

You deserved it 5 042