Parked, indefinitely

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 04:00

Today, my mom told me I wouldn't be able to take driver's education until at least my sixteenth birthday, because I'm, "Not ready to drive a car." Isn't that the whole point of driver's ed? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 353

Compromises

Mother of the year

Pride and joy

By KWM - 12/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 38 993

By umbrella - 24/07/2009 11:39 - United States

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 258

You deserved it 5 957

On the down low

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 16:03 - Canada - Montreal

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 822

You deserved it 7 923

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 17:07 - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 515

You deserved it 1 738

By Thomas - 13/12/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing "Happy birthday" with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 673

You deserved it 2 711

By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 731

You deserved it 35 349

By BathroomMuch - 25/12/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 7 709

By womboman - 30/07/2011 20:02 - United States

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 668

You deserved it 3 206

By anon - 11/07/2015 12:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 648

You deserved it 3 215

Bobs and vagene

By analeis - 25/03/2012 18:04 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 805

You deserved it 29 450

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 742

You deserved it 9 178

By Katrin - 30/10/2011 19:13 - Norway

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 3 472

By anonymous001 - 08/01/2013 19:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 891

You deserved it 68 721

It's not a phase!

By Dumped - 24/04/2021 20:08

Today, my 36 year-old husband decided that I’m not his soulmate and he made a mistake marrying me. Why? Because he believes that the 19 year-old girl he met on his video game online thing is instead, and they’re "meant to be." We’ve been married for 5 years and had our second child a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 79

By merpaderp14 - 09/09/2013 06:15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 997

You deserved it 5 944

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 17:02 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 1 921

Suspicious

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 15:02 - United States - Boise

Today, I pulled over because my cell phone was ringing, as it's now illegal to use in a car. I finished the call when a motorcycle cop on side of road pulls up behind me and comes over. The reason? "You pulled off the road and it was suspicious, then I ran your plate…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 309

By chubbyg - 20/09/2014 12:23 - Australia - Clarinda

Today, my boyfriend asked me when I was going to shave my arms now that summer is coming in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 276

You deserved it 6 439

By fmlcops - 22/05/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 186

You deserved it 5 439

By ohnolunch - 05/03/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 652

You deserved it 15 922

By kk - 25/06/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 224

You deserved it 4 761

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 156

By Ashley J. - 01/03/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 155

You deserved it 17 494

By stickers - 13/05/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 527

You deserved it 4 242

By marriageblows - 22/01/2012 02:18 - United States

Today, I had the day off from work. I did all the chores hoping to free up time to spend with my husband tonight. When he came home, he looked around and decided that since there was no need for him to stick around and help clean, he'd head to the bar to watch the game with the guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 3 844

By duncan74 - 10/12/2014 03:23 - France - Balma

Today, my cats found a new game to play. They each sit on either side of the cat flap, and take turns hitting it. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. At 3 am. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 4 245

By :$ - 06/08/2012 22:08 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 966

You deserved it 35 040

By Kait - 05/04/2012 04:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 3 461

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 822

You deserved it 34 208

By Smooth - 11/04/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 337

You deserved it 112 167

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 16:29 - United States - Cass Lake

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 3 019

Do it then

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:59 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a customer spilled her drink all over the counter. After I cleaned up her spill and remade the drink (for free), she exclaimed, "Thanks! I should really tip you!" Then she turned around, walked directly past the tip jar, and left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 274

You deserved it 3 484

Shackled

By Merserve - 09/07/2020 02:00

Today, I went over to confront my parents about how my siblings always get to visit and all I do when I’m over is work on their house or take care of grandma. My mom was very upset. Then she snuck out with my sister, leaving me to take care of grandma until she got back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 126

By nraecher - 23/03/2013 04:43 - Canada - Ajax

Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 882

You deserved it 8 798

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 239

You deserved it 34 197

By LeaveHimAlone - 30/12/2013 04:23 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 439

You deserved it 3 445

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 11:01

Today, I learned that it isn’t normal to fart hundreds of times a day, no matter what I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 93

By Ansharus - 06/06/2016 13:47 - Belgium - Londerzeel

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 772

You deserved it 3 999

By Gurl - 07/09/2012 22:32 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 402

You deserved it 28 501

By Fonz - 26/01/2010 14:39 - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 506

You deserved it 56 437

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Top comments

bluejello2001 17

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Tuesday 17 September 2019 6:56

You might be of legal age, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you as an individual are ready. 16 year old me was horrified by the way some of my friends drove, more than a few of them were not emotionally or mentally mature enough to handle driving a potential death machine. I started practicing driving when I got my learner's permit at 14, but I was 18 before I felt like I was ready to drive. Then I took driver's ed (with several people I'd graduated high school with), and got my license. Prove to your mom that you're ready for the responsibility.

JLS 4

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Tuesday 17 September 2019 12:51

Their choice and although my 17 year old doesn’t believe it, your parents do know better. Luckily he wanted to wait a bit to drive. He doesn’t drive often yet as he knows he isn’t ready. He does short drives to get more practice and sometimes says he doesn’t feel comfortable going somewhere for whatever reason (traffic, parking, etc).

Comments

bluejello2001 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 September 2019 6:56

JLS 4

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Tuesday 17 September 2019 12:51

mmdavis 8

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Tuesday 17 September 2019 14:09

Relax it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Once you get that license everyone wants a ride. And depending on where you live you have to be 15 and 9 months at least to take drivers ed.