Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you'll be labeled as someone with a short temper. However, the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store, I threw my hands up and yelled, "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML
Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
chris274 8
Would that even help against a nuclear strike?
PlaiPie 11
Well, when there is a real nuclear attack, you'll have the practice of diving under desks already mastered. And you'll be laughing at all your co-workers with your superior desking skills
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
jeff_757 5
And make sure if the Vogons ever come to destroy the Earth to put in an interstellar bypass that you put a paper bag over your head.
Yousuck24 21
It's a hit and miss thing really.
onorexveritas 24
nuclear attack and your defense is a table...
gggreen 2
Well the world IS ending tonight, so you're not crazy. (sarcasm)
SamanthaCassieL 10
I was thinking... I'm pretty sure (correct me if I'm wrong) that a desk isn't going to protect you during a nuclear attack. if I am right, you might as well accept it and move on.. not saying it would be easy or something even I would do, but I'm throwing it out there.
ManInTheMachine 20
I don't have much respect for somebody who can't be ****** to spell "meant" correctly.
panda_lou 11
I know how you feel. The sound of the sirens give me the shivers.
joethebiden 8
Good thinking. Makes it easier to collect your burn-out remains when you're curled up under a desk. On the other hand, we haven't got much people with whom to have a nuclear war lately. At least not one that is worth it.
seandoc 13
How can a fire department stop a nuke?
iwuvyooh100 3
You're name is now understandable, OP.