Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you'll be labeled as someone with a short temper. However, the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store, I threw my hands up and yelled, "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML
Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
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Top comments
chris274 8
Would that even help against a nuclear strike?
PlaiPie 11
Well, when there is a real nuclear attack, you'll have the practice of diving under desks already mastered. And you'll be laughing at all your co-workers with your superior desking skills
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Comments (97)
buddy51 23
Well, at least you know you're completely nuts!!
WhatYouMean 4
How much dumber could people get now-a-days?!
CharresBarkrey 16
How is that dumb? In the 60's and 70's schools used to have bomb drills where kids would get under their desks and wait for further instructions.
JeWbOy101 11
Yes for normal missiles and bombs hiding under a desk may be beneficial. However, a nuke would still kill you either from the blast itself or the radiation fallout that comes with it.
xSunnyOlivia 17
Shhhhh... The missiles are coming....
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
Lol so jumping under a desk would help? xP
howdeedoo 22
No, not really.
etchsanity1 11
On an unrelated note nice artwork on the arm there 21 I also dig the hair.... As far as nuclear strikes I would just go outside why survive that extra fraction of a nano second.
metalhead4740 14
Shit I thought it was going to be a zombie apocalypse...
lostcrazydiamond 10
Nah, you're just paranoid.
perdix 31
With this kind of behavior, it's not your sanity that's in doubt -- it's your ongoing employment.
DocBastard 40
We can only confirm your insanity with a series of questions: 1) Do you say "YOLO"? 2) Have you ever done a duck face? 3) Have you ever used "swag" in conversation? 4) Have you ever said "oh em gee" out loud? If you answered yes to ANY of these questions, there are some nice men in clean white coats waiting outside to take you to a nice padded room. And take this pill.
HortonThelephant 15
Which one? The red? Or blue?
aJaguarinRed 9
The elephant pill, Horton. Much larger than a horse poll.
1dvs_bstd 41
You could have shit your pants dude... coulda been worse. But if it was a nuclear missile, I think you would die before you even jumped..
SophieTheSnail 4
Paranoid scizophrenia maybe? If it happens again I'd see a doctor
hannaaaahr 33
Why do you think he's schizophrenic? Paranoid? Yes, schizophrenic, no.