Today, I got tased, with the same TASER I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his taser at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tased him for acting aggressively. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, my girlfriend found the airtag I'd stuck under her car. The police were called and she kicked me out of her apartment. FML
Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML
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Top comments
phatdaddy 0
YDI for robbing your girlfriend. Don't you know she has a taser?
eldiablo2196 0
y would she do that
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Comments (156)
jay4who7 0
YDI in attempt to rob ur gf lol :)
Jessi_the_sexii 0
that's what u get for trying to rob her of her virginity
MjSmittys 0
lmao ownd hahaha duh dun ching
Peacemaker9 7
who's says that he already didn't?
jay4who7 0
WTF that's the second time "schwancy" posted the same thing I was thinking rofl that's a little weird if u ask me :)
schwancy 2
But I said it first. Victory is mine!
ohthebloodygore 16
No, victory is mine!
schwancy 2
Awww c'mon. Can't I have some of the victory?
ohthebloodygore 16
Nope, I'm not a sharing person. Victory simply cannot be shared.
schwancy 2
Ok well I guess there's only one way to settle this... Steel cage match. The survivor claims all victory.
Chrisskiies 0
Precious, victory is never yours. :p Plus Schwancy beat you it.
ohthebloodygore 16
You've been watching waaaaaay too much telly. The only way to declare the winner, is to see who can eat the most... :l
ohthebloodygore 16
Chris, you're just mad because I always win.
Chrisskiies 0
No not all Precious, I win like 99.99% of the time. Raleigh and ffml (Ari) win the other .01%. And you jay get random victories. Plus I like her idea better. :P
ohthebloodygore 16
I'm starving, I like my idea better. I should be more coherent, I meant I always win against you.
schwancy 2
Eat the most of what exactly?
jay4who7 0
ohhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
ohthebloodygore 16
71 - I'm craving tamales here.
jay4who7 0
chris is the real winner hear lol after all he got the # 1 spot ;)
Chrisskiies 0
FFML wins 100% of the time. Excuse my other comment that contradicts this one.
FFML_314 11
☻♥☺
Chrisskiies 0
But you fail again, the hunger is getting to you. Go eat some breakfast, my suggestion is 3 slices of french toast, 2 pancakes, 4 scrambled eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, 1 slice of ham,3 sausage links, and a cup of some orange juice. :) I'm hungry now... o.0 edit: retract my last statement! Ari thinks it's hilarious to log into my account, and spread her propaganda! >=|
jay4who7 0
can I help u lol ;)
ohthebloodygore 16
Okay; Chris, you're right 98% of the time. Raleigh is always right (in his own head) FFML, has proven to be right all the time. And, I am right 97% of the time. :P
jay4who7 0
we can't all be right,someone has 2 be wrong?
Chrisskiies 0
I have no idea where you got those percentages, but they are acceptable, except for Ari. She failed in the sleep walking fml twice. Lol.
FFML_314 11
It's all about the proof. :] Chris, I have no clue what you're talking about. òò Edit: Chris, I was right in how I read it. :P
Chrisskiies 0
I fail.
FFML_314 11
I'm right when it matters. :]
Chrisskiies 0
Ari- I despise you ao much right now, damn fail whale. Precious- D: ... how in the bloody hell do you not love pancakes, or French toast??? lol jk
FFML_314 11
Chris, you should see someone about that paranoia. :P
ohthebloodygore 16
Chris, one bite gets me full. Also, it makes me feel bloated. Which is disgusting.
Chrisskiies 0
Ari- suck it Precious- awe sorry to hear that. It's pretty glorious tho, just sayin' lol.
ohthebloodygore 16
Bloody hell, I just realised you inserted bloody hell into that sentence.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Uhm, what the hell is this..? I wake up to people lying about how much I win? Goof, you know I win waaaay more than you - so stop lying to Chris. :]
ohthebloodygore 16
I'm confused, is her name Ari or Anna? O.o And, mi precioso amor. No. Simply no. I win more. You need to stop lying.
Chrisskiies 0
Raleigh- I don't lie Precios- kinda late, oh everyone calls her Anna, I call her Ari.
FFML_314 11
My name is Arianna, but Raleigh likes Anna better, so he started calling me that and it caught on. Everyone I know in real life calls me Ari. Chris is the only one on here that calls me Ari though.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Mi Spanish belleza, it looks like you're in denial.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Chris, I was talking to my goof. Not you. :P
ohthebloodygore 16
I like Aria more. No, you're in denial. :]
Chrisskiies 0
Oh nvm I didn't see the "stop lying to Chris" just stop lying Chris. Lmao I should go back to sleep now, work awaits me in 8 hrs. o.O
FFML_314 11
Aria? Interesting. I'm used to Anna on here. It's weird that Chris calls me Ari. He tries so hard to stand out. :P
Chrisskiies 0
Um no I don't try, I just do. :P There's no "try" when it comes to me, either you do or you don't.
ohthebloodygore 16
Yeah, my friend has the same name (spelt differently Ahrihanna) and I call her Aria. He does stand out, hah.
Arsonnist 3
Why would you buy her a taser for that purpose if you were going to try to steal from her later? You should be on Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest Criminals.
MjSmittys 0
she's trying to tell you something...
knibbsy 4
YDI for lying to us here in the FML community. The real reason you bought the taser was to start an army of undead squirrels that poop copies of Steven Seagal movies.
frosty13984 0
if that's wat he gives his girlfriend, then what does he give his kids? :-0
crazyaces89 7
that kinda sucks but it's also kinda your fault too...what made u think she wouldn't use it on you too?
jay4who7 0
LMAO @28
ahhnonomhisdude 0
with out all the facts I'm gonna go out on a limb and say ydi. OP you are your own worst enemy.