Today, I got tased, with the same TASER I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML
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Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his taser at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tased him for acting aggressively. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, my girlfriend found the airtag I'd stuck under her car. The police were called and she kicked me out of her apartment. FML
Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML
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Top comments
phatdaddy 0
YDI for robbing your girlfriend. Don't you know she has a taser?
eldiablo2196 0
y would she do that
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Comments (156)
Chrisskiies 0
haha should have thought twice about that
Lozza111 0
yes, he should have but what happened that made her tase him?
marinus_fml 19
it could have been worse, she could have shot you with a real gun that you bought her? the thing is, if it was a real gun, she would have been more careful, so in this case I'd say YDI for not telling her to be careful. :)
spyder1588 0
Irony is a bitch.
FFML_314 11
If OP is dating someone that would have to be told to "be careful" with a potentially dangerous weapon, than he doesn't deserve it for not telling her to be more careful. He deserves it for dating an idiot.
black_knight402 0
whatever happened to buying women flowers, chocolate and jewlery?
956TXking 0
ydi. for buying your gf a taser just buy her a gun.
ZleveL 0
^18 what happened to buying the supplies for girls to cook food D:?
uhazsquiads 0
18, tasers are cool too. just a present is good for us girls. O_o xD I guess, he just gave it to her to defend herself...
Peacemaker9 7
lol that sucks- ok this is for only if she taxed u ther but if not then dammit-: How many times do u have to get tazed in the testicles before u can't have kids?-
black_knight402 0
33 does it matter?
FFML_314 11
33, what sucks is your grammar and perhaps the fact that you don't make a lot of sense.
riceplum 0
maby she thought u were trying to rob her
Peacemaker9 7
black- hey the quote is from a movie ok I was trying to see it anyone recognized it. ffml-- well then **** u bitch think I give a damn shit..if u want to be a damn grammar cop go do it somewhere else.
ohthebloodygore 16
42 - You obviously do 'give a damn' seeing as how you took your time to reply to her. And, seeing as how you got defensive.
Peacemaker9 7
oh great here we go....ok well there are other fmls to read so there's one reason another is how long it was. and a third is no I'm not being defensive I'm telling it like it is! beside it's how I am. plain and simple ur nice to me I'm nice back but be a prick and well u get the point. anything else?
FFML_314 11
"**** you bitch. Do you think I give a damn? Shit! If you want to be a Grammar Nazi, do it somewhere else." That's better. Now here's my 2 cents. If you want people to respect you and listen to you, learn how to talk with some common sense. Knowledge is key. You will do great things by listening to said "Grammar Nazis."
ohthebloodygore 16
46 - Yes, you made no sense.
Peacemaker9 7
holy shit...just shut the **** up. damn u didn't have to comment on mine in the first place.
956TXking 0
50 you're not much of a peace maker
Peacemaker9 7
well u can thank those two above for putting me in a bad mood right now. anyone else want to say anything while we're at it?
Chrisskiies 0
Actually if you want to get technical peacemaker, you're all replying to my original comment. Lol
linx468 8
Yes I do. Learn to spell "you". ;)
black_knight402 0
48 he's trying to explain how you treat him is how your going to get treated.
Peacemaker9 7
not helping here at all chris....hey I thought u were mine and the other two's teacher? oh no wait nvm I remember what happened.
FFML_314 11
Peacemaker, I promise you that everything is going to be OK. I tend to put people in a bad mood. Don't take it personally.
Chrisskiies 0
I put you guys on check! Lol idk I say random things when I'm bored. Anyways stop threadjacking! Haha, op I still believe you're dumb for giving someone a taser.
Peacemaker9 7
linx- lol ok fine I set myself up for that. black- thank you!!! glad to see someone understood that.
Peacemaker9 7
ffml- I don't know.....your promises look like they could be fake to me. jking..... well then you should work on that.
ohthebloodygore 16
Chris, I say it's smart. Plenty of people get mugged and/or raped out in the streets. A taser would really help.
Chrisskiies 0
Or they can learn self defense, and just rely on their skills. Instead of a taser, or any other kind of weapon.
Peacemaker9 7
oh yea Chris...what happened to: stop threadjacking...lol
Chrisskiies 0
It's called revelant threadjacking Nick?( or zach? I forgot which one is who lol)
black_knight402 0
I'm with Chris on that one, the only people should carry tazers are mall security guards and police officers.
Peacemaker9 7
Nick. lol like I said ever forget look at my profile. ouch big word hurt brain. no jking
Chrisskiies 0
Lol ok Nick. Precious- True, bu depending on which weapon you use or how you use it, it could get you into more trouble. People just need to practice the self defense skills outside of just "training". My master would make us literally fight each other, and he would join us sometimes just so our reaction would be to defend ourselves. Not freeze up, and become defenseless.
ohthebloodygore 16
Stupid comment bug ate my comment. Chris, I said I've taken self defence classes and boxing. Yet when I got mugged, my first instinct was to reach for my pepper spray. It helps to have one, just saying.
MrWTF_fml 2
should have brought her condoms!! then you would had sex instead if getting taser! loser
ohthebloodygore 16
True, but to the people who don't know self defence; it'd be easier to learn to use a maze and/or taser. And, they help a lot. Not everyone learns self defence. :P Also, in self defence they tell you to carry a maze to weaken the opponent. A taser might be a tad too much.
Chrisskiies 0
Eh I personally wouldn't, mainly because I would get into a hell of alot more troubl than the other person. Not to mention the police would question me as to why am I carrying a taser in the first place. Plus it isn't hard to disarm someone with a knife or taser, if you're in the right range, and know how to use said skills.
ohthebloodygore 16
Why would you get in trouble for carrying a taser? They encourage for people to carry a taser and maze.
Chrisskiies 0
Well put it this way, the police dep in my town is known by every other police dep in the area as the Nazi police. They have a tendecy of racially profiling people, and barely hide it. Plus if anyone my age, especialy guys were seen with a taser they would be more than happy to go for the arrest, saying we have a weapon. Depending on the size of the taser, and the volts it has, they could easily say it's a lethal weapon.
Chrisskiies 0
Oh btw, they're being sued at the moment for racially profiling a black pastor or something. Google it lol, Torrance police sued for racial profiling, or something like that.
ohthebloodygore 16
Whoa, that's crazy. It's somewhat the same here, but with tourists.
Chrisskiies 0
Haha it's a minister, and yea that's anywhere where alot of tourist go, I believe. Especially if you don't know the laws, one will be ******. Haha
ohthebloodygore 16
Yup, American tourists are hilarious (no offence) They're always yelling and saying a guy is 'hot' because he has an accent.
ohthebloodygore 16
And, a lot, and I mean a lot of Americans tend to drive on the opposite side of the road.
Chrisskiies 0
I don't take offense, I'm Mexican. if I go to Europe. lmfao. Oh and no you guys have it wrong, why is the driver side on the right side??? lol jk. It's cus we drive on the other side of the road here buddy. Tis the "American Way".
ohthebloodygore 16
That's what I meant! but, it's always hilarious seeing them. It's the driver! They need to be on the right!
Chrisskiies 0
No the driver is on the left!! passengers are on the right. Lol. :D
guiltypleasure12 0
why OP? did you try and rob her virginity?
uberpwnage112 0
then stop trying to rob her.....
thatonekid2010 0
don't tase me bro! :D
JackieJackal 0
OP would be dead
lmfao1643 3
Women can only cook, and most guys beat them at that too.
Frazier6567 0
I can see that you had a *sunglasses on* shocking day
Beki_luvs_u 0
haaa
patiencek 0
ha, that's ironic. but that had to hurt! :(
jbiebersheart 0
and how excactly did you do this.
jane14 0
that sucks. it could of been worse if you got tazed in the balls.
ZleveL 0
WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?
schwancy 2
Were you trying to rob her?
deadpool91 0
hahahaha ^
Raleigh_bruh 7
Were you playing with it..?
lickmyjock 0
no but I bet she was...
Raleigh_bruh 7
Zing? :P
BeachPanda 0
/win
E_breaker 0
noob!
OwNowBrownCow 0
Yeah, that's a legitament reason to buy a taser because an individual gets robbed so many times in a lifetime.
spyder1588 0
11 - you're right, it's best to wait until after you are robbed or mugged to get something to defend yourself with. (sarcasm)
OwNowBrownCow 0
lol
abalgatti 0
blazer tazer