Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML
Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML
Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML
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Top comments
mackdeezy 22
If you ever needed an answer to the question "does Sex Ed belong in schools?", thrn hopefully this can shed some light on that
Sinshine 28
How does he not know those basic things at age 12? Doesn't he go to school? His parents definitely need to work out more things than they are right now.
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Comments (8)
manb91gb 15
Just be a grown-up about it and explain the... Ahem... Ins and outs to him. Maturity breeds Maturity
Sinshine 28
How does he not know those basic things at age 12? Doesn't he go to school? His parents definitely need to work out more things than they are right now.
hellphone_fml 37
My brother is 12 and just learned what cum is bc he heard someone talking about it. School did not teach him anything
mackdeezy 22
If you ever needed an answer to the question "does Sex Ed belong in schools?", thrn hopefully this can shed some light on that
bullsonyourface 20
either be a good human and explain to him what's going on, or act like he's dying and quarantine him.
RichardPencil 30
You should have taken him as asked him to prepare a will on the ride to the hospital. Hospital staff need a good laugh and you should see whether he'd give you his video game system and phone.
Nhayaa 21
There's always a first time... I'd rather have a 12 years old boy not knowing what's going on than one already addict to Youp*rn. And these days, thanks to Internet, most kids are in the second category. Sigh.