Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
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Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Drunk call her back so you have an excuse to call her a stupid bitch.
autinyork 6
Lol I once did that. Jk, what's a girlfriend?
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Comments (77)
every1luvsboners 11
She's been trying to get rid of you for a long time and finally found an out. Move on and find an ugly woman who knows how to cook.
jrock9093 18
I want to say sorry but maybe you shouldn't drink so much and also if she is breaking up with you just for you saying that she's not worth it anyways bro
olpally 33
Drunken words are sober thoughts. What a bitch though.
cakefete2 31
Unfortunately, OP, in wine there is truth.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I'm guessing it probably came out more like, "Hey! Hey! Can you hear me!? Hey! I'm ******* wasteddd.. Jimmy stop poking me! I'm on the ******* phone with my girl. Hey! Hey babe! You're so god damn beautiful. I don't, I don't know why your with, damn I am so drunk.. Babe! You're so beautiful you shouldn't be with me because I'm so ******* drunk right now!" At least that's how most drunk calls go.. Haha.
cakefete2 31
I don't always let alcohol give me relationship advice, but when i do, i prefer dos equis.
TheDrifter 24
Time to find a thick, confident woman with some cooking skills OP. She'll know if you're treating her right, not as many men will be trying to steal her away as the Barbie doll type, plus you'll have a good reason to rush home every night... Dinner.
ifavela89 13
why do you assume all big women can cook. I'm thin love cooking and would never treat my man the way she did. she didn't know to take a compliment the dumb bimbo
Dynosaur_dollie 38
They didn't say skinny girls couldn't cook or assume that all bigger girls can cook, they said find one that has some culinary skill, I doubt they were being completely serious anyways. Plus as was previously mentioned she may have had enough of op, for all we know this could be a very common occurrence he could be a total jerk, nice to assume she's a bimbo though.
DFresh503 8
Wait... So you basically just **** blocked yourself? Alcohol wins again!
starile 20
^ Yeeaap, that's more likely how it happened! Bitches LOVE drunk calls when their man is out having fun without them!
Slavgaard 16
Drink, drank, drunk, dumped.