Miscellaneous, Awkward, Dad jokes and Funerals: Not now, Dave

Not now, Dave

By shanti - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 43 508

vote type 1 4 856

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Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

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By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

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HowieDoIt 21

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:49

Never heard that one before, i'll have to add that to my...arsenal of jokes.

onealmxwilson 18

Sunday 16 February 2014 20:05

#20, that would be his grammar

Comments

olpally 32

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:49

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

thief1434 23

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:55

She even said that he didn't realize how distasteful his comment was, and that he was genuinely remorseful but saying "oh shit" was a bad choice of words.

xblaine 17

Sunday 16 February 2014 23:33

Please, shut the **** up.

omgitsmoe 26

Monday 17 February 2014 0:30

No you shut the **** up

HowieDoIt 21

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:49

Never heard that one before, i'll have to add that to my...arsenal of jokes.

froggyjade 16

Sunday 16 February 2014 20:13

I salute you :-)

ChristianH39 30

Monday 17 February 2014 0:20

Dat pun though

cakefete2 30

Monday 17 February 2014 1:32

Adding that joke would give you enough material to stretch from uranus and back.

saraitkddh 47

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:49

sorry OP for your loss and try to make him explain that you have nothing to do about it to your parents

thief1434 23

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:50

Gee, you really got PUNished for that. That aside, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Hopefully you can explain what happened before you're excommunicated from the family!

thief1434 23

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:57

That actually wasn't that funny... ;~;

mea_iloveskiing 26

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:51

Reminded me of johnny english at a funeral.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:51

Who thinks about jokes at a funeral?

junkman6 22

Sunday 16 February 2014 20:13

We all end up dead and the griefs going to be there for a while, there's no need to force gloom and doom. A funeral should be to celebrate someone's life not obsess over the fact they died. Obviously it's different when you are coping with the death of a younger person but if someone lived to a ripe old age and saw their granddaughter get married I would think that's a pretty full life and should be celebrated. Just my personal feelings about it. I know that's not how a lot of people think.

Kamon97 23

Sunday 16 February 2014 20:29

That's why I want my funeral to be a huge comedy club :p

Catkam623 27

Sunday 16 February 2014 21:31

I want mine to be at a strip club. Bring flowers get a free lap dance.

Waspinator1998 21

Sunday 16 February 2014 22:55

I'm with #28. I want my funeral to be one huge joke.

StompinOnCrayons 15

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:52

Try to explain to your family OP, or at least beg to pay your respects. Make your husband wait outside if necessary.

OperationAxis 10

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:52

That was pretty insensitive of him.. :/

applebramble 22

Sunday 16 February 2014 21:34

He didn't mean it. Read the FML dude!

shivamtrivedi 24

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:53

Well, everyone suffers brainfarts like that. Don't worry, hopefully everything will turn out all right. I honestly think that your family already hated you and your husband.

homesuckfucker 28

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:53

this doesn't sound real, but if it is, your husband should be met with a few day's dry spell, and an explanation offered to your family. who, in my opinion, need to have more trust and care in you. fyl, op.