Kids and School: Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child...

By Anonymous - 27/04/2018 20:30

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 796

You deserved it 639

Kids School

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Same thing different taste

Can't stop, won't stop

By Matt8 - 07/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 417

You deserved it 2 105

Snitches get stiches

By cxcrktkt - 12/04/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, my ten year-old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore, I'm an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 803

You deserved it 12 932

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 14:00

Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 133

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 819

You deserved it 51 669

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 10:29 - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 173

You deserved it 1 456

By mirrorfad - 29/01/2010 05:49 - France

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 526

You deserved it 3 239

By drucle - 18/03/2016 12:49 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 929

You deserved it 16 200

By Anonymous - 23/04/2012 05:50 - United States - Harrison

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 134

You deserved it 2 099

By kashish0711 - 02/08/2009 16:14 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 682

You deserved it 3 176

By Anonymous - 17/02/2015 01:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 615

You deserved it 38 364

RichardPencil 30

Friday 27 April 2018 21:33

“Juice” in a wine glass? Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

sunshine1421 14

Friday 27 April 2018 21:11

kids... mama needs a cocktail

Comments

Christopher Martin 12

Friday 27 April 2018 20:41

Next thing you know she’ll think you smoke when you have a lollipop in your mouth

sunshine1421 14

Friday 27 April 2018 21:11

kids... mama needs a cocktail

RichardPencil 30

Friday 27 April 2018 21:33

“Juice” in a wine glass? Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

Ellimac21 14

Friday 27 April 2018 21:53

Well, wine is fermented grape juice ;)

CrazyTrainWreck 19

Friday 27 April 2018 22:55

Maybe you go to an JA meeting: Juicer Anonymous

thatslifeiguess7 16

Saturday 28 April 2018 1:22

Why in a wine glass? do they at least have funny sayings

Zeatha Mistron 7

Saturday 28 April 2018 9:36

Juice in a wine glass? Sure.

aruden 25

Saturday 28 April 2018 10:04

You're just an impatient wino you need to let the "juice" sit longer before putting it in the wine glass.

Tarlachia 33

Saturday 28 April 2018 15:43

Times like this when one might say your child drives you to drink.

Huldan MeGroyn 13

Monday 30 April 2018 19:50

Grape "juice"

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 61 827

You deserved it 8 000

Today, my husband is a pain. He thinks he might be bisexual, because we discovered he likes to have sex with a plug up his ass, and yet when I suggest a threesome or even if he experiments with a guy on his own, he gets this look like I want him to kiss a dead badger. I don’t know what he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 453

The Top

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 502

You deserved it 64 290

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 4 012

Today, months into supporting my mum with her part time cleaning job by cooking dinner for my large family after university, I found out that she doesn't actually have a job, she just leaves the house for a few hours because she doesn't want to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 356

You deserved it 2 790

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 815

You deserved it 7 609

Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 4 365

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 792

You deserved it 201