Kids and School: Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child...

By Anonymous - 27/04/2018 20:30

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 814

You deserved it 649

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Same thing different taste

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 825

You deserved it 51 725

Suspicious minds

By Anonymous - 30/03/2025 18:00 - Canada - Midland

Today, I poured out a glass of apple juice to drink. I threw out a beer can from earlier, and my mom thought I was drinking alcohol, not juice. She scolded me, until I made her physically taste the juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 91

By kashish0711 - 02/08/2009 16:14 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 708

You deserved it 3 184

Start 'em young

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 23:00

Today, my 3 year-old toddler wanted to try my wine. I kept telling her it’s adult juice and she wouldn’t like it. When she kept bugging me about it I gave in, and gave her a tiny sip. She liked it, and continued to bug me about it even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 1 566

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 14:00

Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 141

Snitches get stiches

By cxcrktkt - 12/04/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, my ten year-old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore, I'm an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 826

You deserved it 12 949

Can't stop, won't stop

By Matt8 - 07/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 447

You deserved it 2 114

Glass houses and all that

By mirrorfad - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 886

You deserved it 3 341

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 10:29 - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 198

You deserved it 1 482

Misunderstanding

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:49 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 522

You deserved it 6 574

RichardPencil 30

Friday 27 April 2018 21:33

“Juice” in a wine glass? Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

sunshine1421 14

Friday 27 April 2018 21:11

kids... mama needs a cocktail

Comments

Christopher Martin 12

Friday 27 April 2018 20:41

Next thing you know she’ll think you smoke when you have a lollipop in your mouth

sunshine1421 14

Friday 27 April 2018 21:11

kids... mama needs a cocktail

RichardPencil 30

Friday 27 April 2018 21:33

“Juice” in a wine glass? Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

Ellimac21 14

Friday 27 April 2018 21:53

Well, wine is fermented grape juice ;)

CrazyTrainWreck 19

Friday 27 April 2018 22:55

Maybe you go to an JA meeting: Juicer Anonymous

thatslifeiguess7 16

Saturday 28 April 2018 1:22

Why in a wine glass? do they at least have funny sayings

Zeatha Mistron 7

Saturday 28 April 2018 9:36

Juice in a wine glass? Sure.

aruden 25

Saturday 28 April 2018 10:04

You're just an impatient wino you need to let the "juice" sit longer before putting it in the wine glass.

Tarlachia 33

Saturday 28 April 2018 15:43

Times like this when one might say your child drives you to drink.

Huldan MeGroyn 13

Monday 30 April 2018 19:50

Grape "juice"

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Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 342

Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 79

The Top

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 100

Today, it’s my mom’s 65th birthday celebration. I have to share a room at the resort, table and car ride with my sister, who my ex-husband left me for and got pregnant. She tries to talk to me as if nothing ever happened, and my parents bitch me out for being upset at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 118

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 276

You deserved it 3 342

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to yell out, "Pass the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 308

You deserved it 6 371

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 421

You deserved it 208

Today, my older brother asked me to go get his phone on his bed. I was in a good mood, so I did. He then continued, laughing, “don’t mistake it for the sex toys and used condoms!” I thought he was joking, but there were actually sex toys and used condoms on his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 134

Same thing different taste

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