Morning!

Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML

Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML

Today, I found out what unwashed, warty feet taste like after someone kicked me in the mouth with one. FML

Crushed

Today, I was disassembling a tent after a week of camping when I felt a crunch under my bare foot. I lifted up the tarp I was standing on to find a now squashed mouse. Mice are my favorite animals, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go camping again. FML

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

Ewwwwwww

Today, on my way home from school, I accidentally stepped on a dead rat. That gross squishy feeling and the sound of its bones cracking… I'm never going to forget that for the rest of my life. FML

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML