Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "Radiance Ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "Radiance Ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and her friends mocked my "fragile masculinity" because I bought men's body wash instead of sharing her body wash. Her body wash is full of glitter, which irritates my skin horribly. FML
Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
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Top comments
barroomhero 0
It's okay, every girl who sees you will jump you.
Fml37 0
You don't sparkle, you flame :p
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Comments (599)
eff_em4ell 0
Congratulations, Edward Cullen.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
HA! like that poofter from twilight? that sux man. now everyones gonna think you duke it up the poop chute...course, you can probably get your dick sucked by one of those ****** idiot tools who LOVE that shit tho. course, with the aforementioned assumption of duke-ing of your aforementioned poop chute, guys are gonna beat on you mecilessly, and girls are gonna consider you their 'gay best friend'. your life is TRULY ******.
ozymandias_fml 0
So you are gay? Big deal. Now that you sparkle, you might as well come out of the closet.
TonyHighwind 0
Way to Twilight it up, Edward.
regalarius 0
I wish I sparkled...
sick_a_lot666 0
If only all men sparkled... *sigh*
Carribu 0
Hey now...I thought that the Cullens live in Forks, Washington.
xXmoses_rocksXx 0
Dude, if you were jasper Hale I would totally love you forever! haha but now you know to just use soap. ;]
brie3 0
Ha! Keep it until Halloween :) That sux though, being sparkly... sorry
cheshirecat1333 0
wow. you sparkle. Like from twilight. LOL.