Intimacy: Man child

Man child

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 612

You deserved it 5 901

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Same thing different taste

By suffersecks - 20/01/2012 23:54 - United States

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 636

You deserved it 6 187

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 907

You deserved it 6 510

Honky

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 14:06 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 5 032

By spaceavery - 24/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 241

You deserved it 1 574

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 779

You deserved it 5 478

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 345

You deserved it 2 811

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 804

You deserved it 5 067

Common passion

By ShowerheadGirl - 09/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 165

You deserved it 25 227

The good old days

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 033

You deserved it 12 108

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 11 066

joeyf23 5

Thursday 27 October 2011 5:59

that's hilarious but kinda weird

SquashedSpider7 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 6:00

AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!

Comments

rtjacobson 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 17:38

Bahahhaha love it! Go for the wild squarepants sex!

skinflint 6

Thursday 27 October 2011 18:04

hilarious! you must be really cute. also, you don't make jokes like that with a girl who insecure so kudos to you. that's why he married you.

sneakymcpothead 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 18:39

Omg that's so freaking hilarious !

amezola03 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 19:03

Omg that sounds like something my husband would do!!! Joys of having kids

samanthayap 2

Thursday 27 October 2011 19:23

Hahaha that's quite funny! Your husband has a sense of humor!

fo_86 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 19:28

Haha wtf!? Your husbands a funny man

laboa86 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 19:39

Ur bold

owl1995 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 19:57

Hahahahaha lmfao that's hilarious

Cmdr_Shepard 17

Thursday 27 October 2011 21:14

LMAO that's hilarious, your husband is the boss. I just hope you don't act like Squidward too.

D3athT3ch 4

Thursday 27 October 2011 21:17

WIN! lmfao!

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Friends Miscellaneous Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food Birthday Family Money Mother in law Gifts Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 420

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation, to find my fiance had cleaned the house top to bottom, and finished three projects he was constantly putting off. I was over the moon, until he said, "Yeah, when you're not nagging me all day, I can actually get shit done. Crazy, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 672

The Top

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 7 364

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride on bicycles. After a while, I couldn't see him ahead of me any more. I went back and forth for half an hour but could't find him, and started to think something happened. I went home to call him but saw his bike. Turns out my boyfriend is just an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 287

You deserved it 1 577

Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 351

You deserved it 883

Today, my dad got upset when one of his employees showed a romantic interest in my mom. Both parents were totally fine, though, with that same employee announcing his engagement to my 15-year-old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 115

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 860

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 917