Kids, Sex and Sleep: Make it stop - FML

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 22:00 - Argentina

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a single mother. Amazing sex, but now I can’t sleep because her baby won’t stop fucking crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 771

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 116

You deserved it 2 576

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 14:00 - United States - Queens

Spicy

Today, for the third night in a row, I got cockblocked by my 10 month-old not sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 435

Do not want

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 08:01 - Europe

Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 2 706

Alone time

By Anonymous - 27/02/2024 14:00 - United States - Buford

Spicy

Today, I finally got some alone time today with the boyfriend (we have kids, so this is rare) and we were going heavily at it when his mother decided to drop in and wouldn’t stop knocking on the front door. Worst timing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 128

Teamwork

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 05:01

Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 217

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 392

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Spicy

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 814

Betrayal stings

By Anonymous - 01/02/2024 14:00 - United States - Miami

Spicy

Today, I found out my baby momma has been building a whole relationship with my cousin. They escalated to wanting to sleep with each other. We have a two year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 150

Don't you want me baby?

By Ugh - 05/12/2024 21:00 - Romania

Spicy

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 83

Knackered

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom - Altrincham

Today, I got home after working 14 hours completely exhausted and found my wife asleep, after not sleeping for at least 4 nights with our newborn. She woke up and couldn’t remember where she'd left the baby. After a mad panic, she remembered that he's with her mother. We are not coping very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 163

Next

Top comments

Hangryko 31

Monday 6 February 2023 5:11

You're going to be a *great* dad. </sarcasm>

RichardPencil 30

Monday 6 February 2023 14:56

If the sex was so amazing, you'd be able to sleep through a tornado.

Comments

JackWood 20

Monday 6 February 2023 4:30

Start getting used to your ready made family.

Hangryko 31

Monday 6 February 2023 5:11

You're going to be a *great* dad. </sarcasm>

RichardPencil 30

Monday 6 February 2023 14:56

If the sex was so amazing, you'd be able to sleep through a tornado.

EpicOracle 23

Tuesday 7 February 2023 8:13

I was in your shoes some years ago. Helped babysat after sex. Her son still asks to speak to me once in a while.

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my boyfriend "proposed" to me. When we first started dating, he told me that he hated the concept of marriage and absolutely never wanted to go through with it. So I laughed and turned him down, obviously thinking it was just a joke. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 237

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 237

The Top

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 395

You deserved it 2 772

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 151

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 740

You deserved it 4 589

Today, I was hanging out with a friend, and we were on our way to the nearest frozen yogurt place. The second we got out of the car, I immediately complained about how hot and bright it was outside. I was so busy complaining, I didn’t hear my friend telling me to watch out for the curb. I landed face first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 1 450

Today, I cut my own hair. It looks great. Absolutely professional. From the front, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 733

Today, I was so engrossed in a phone call that I drove off without pumping gas after I'd prepaid $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 932

You deserved it 43 862