Intimacy, Kids, Sex, Relatable and Awkward: Overreaction much?

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 392

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Same thing different taste

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 17:01

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 409

In the doghouse

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 16:00

Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 91

By KayyElOh94 - 17/10/2014 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 733

You deserved it 3 806

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 3 442

Spooked

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 728

You deserved it 7 587

Bumbling

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 591

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 125

You deserved it 4 861

Shock and awe

By Embarassed Girl - 14/07/2022 02:00

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 803

Don't mention it again

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 12:00

Today, our daughter threatened to throw us out if her mom asked about having children again. My wife is completely unable to control herself, and lasted a full 30 seconds before trying to restart the baby conversation. We weren’t just thrown out, she soaked us with the hose all the way to our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 1 914

TomeDr 24

Wednesday 19 October 2022 12:30

Bedroom doors have locks, you know. How difficult would it have been for you two to go there for your fun time?

Attacksloth32 6

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:06

It doesn't take much to wake up a toddler. Maybe next time do it in the bedroom.

Comments

TomeDr 24

Wednesday 19 October 2022 12:30

Bedroom doors have locks, you know. How difficult would it have been for you two to go there for your fun time?

Anderling 32

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:00

This is why you never trust a kid to stay asleep.

Attacksloth32 6

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:06

It doesn't take much to wake up a toddler. Maybe next time do it in the bedroom.

JackWood 20

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:17

You tell her you had an ouchie and mommy was kissing it to make it better.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:36

Tell her that you were low on air and Mommy was inflating you. By the time the kid learns that a penis is not a Schraeder valve, you'll be long gone.

Plop 17

Wednesday 19 October 2022 15:59

And if the kid has doubts, OP can show the scene with the inflatable autopilot getting reinflated by a hostel is the historic documentary Airplane.

Brightside86 30

Wednesday 19 October 2022 19:49

So how do you explain that too a toddler? When 2 married adults love each other very much...

Vesi 29

Wednesday 19 October 2022 20:31

OP said girlfriend so not married.. and marriage is not required to get their freak on. TO OP: next time, adjourn to the bedroom and lock the door. =)