Cover your stump before you hump

Wrap it before you tap it, but also demand a paternity test. If it was a one night stand it's possible she's scamming you because she was already pregnant and wanted a baby daddy. Happened to a friend of mine. If it's yours though, you kind of deserve it.

No, you have a new life, Daddy.

Bag it before you shag it

Paternity test from A RELIABLE SOURCE. Also known as a AABB-accredited institution. Do your research. The test will be over 100$ most likely. I've been there. Condom broke, and it turned out not to be mine. Think about all the possibilities people, he may not necessarily deserve it.

Before you go fill sack dick, put on a prophylactic.

I had no idea there would be so many ways to say "put a condom". So creative, thank you for the laugh.

not the same situation, but my kiddo is my pride and joy and wouldn't want to live without him

I work at a hospital about 50% of our pregnancies are unplanned. Starting to think maybe only have sex with people you wouldn't be terrified to have a child with.

There are these awesome inventions called contraceptives. One should look into them whether they're planning on having a one-night stand or not.