Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML
Today, after spending three hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML
Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow some tools. Trying to be friendly, I asked how he was doing. He then spent the next 45 minutes describing his recent breakup in excruciating detail. I just wanted him to take the tools and leave. FML
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Top comments
EclipseCandy6 24
You should kick him in HIS berries
IniestaRox 21
Well, that was berry meanest.
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Comments (71)
reaxion 25
Go take a dump on his car. That'll really start the war :-). If he asks you why you did it, say that strawberries grow best in nice fresh manure, and since he stole hers he can have that too.
Ava_Darkflame 26
"I can't borrow your lawnmower? I'll eat your daughter's strawberries. "
91hayek 31
That sounds like a euphemism.
Ava_Darkflame 26
Oh, goodness, NO. XD What other way should I have worded it?
randomcritic 14
No more lawnmower for him if he intends to raid your child's garden.
samanthahaha 9
This is odd.
xRiverSongx 17
I'm so sorry I laughed. 'I'm so angry I'm gonna eat your strawberries!' But FYL.
Tsukiyomi 16
Ouch. I just had this metal imagine if a man with a furious look on his face eating straws right off a plant
derpywaffles25 14
This is the reason I try to avoid my neighbors
zenrael 21
Insecticides.
xcllla_ 27
Is your neighbor Homer Simpson?
me323me 4
WTF are wrong with people?