Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Ray_Scott 0
It's not love until you know she poops and you still want to have sex with her.
DameGreyWulf 1
I swear the last sentence said "I can't look at her ****** the same ever again" [shakes head, blinks eyes several times] Anyway, you're going to hear a lot of crap (haha) about how it's only natural and girls do poop etc etc But really, I understand. Nobody wants to think about their significant other defecating, or anyone at all for that matter, unless they're into that kind of thing. It's a rather awkward situation to stand and watch, especially when it's smelly. Now, this could be a plus though... she is comfortable enough to let you... er, witness that? Obviously it could also be the booze though.
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Comments (224)
Fyl2014 9
Sounds awkward.
Birthday_Shitter 7
Oh god... I think this is about me. Like 95% sure. My birthday that year was extremely wild and I don't remember most of it, which I'm told is a good thing but my friend did have fun laughing at me telling me about how I shocked my boyfriend because he thought I was going to puke so he took me to the bathroom and I took a crap instead. When I asked him about it he wouldn't meet my eyes and quickly changed the subject. We had been together for about a year (well sleeping together at least) at that time and yes, even after that we stayed together for about another year and a half. Oddly enough, that birthday was what made me stop drinking and it ended up being his drinking problems that broke us up in the end.
FMLMaximus 23
favorite :) this will make me feel better the next time I get plastered and lose it on someone's shoes O.o at least I didn't shit in the floor haha. I hope you guys were able to get past this one lmao
rydin10 18
oh you'll get over it eventually
Chesties 5
I take raunchy dumps in the morning and my gf just stands right to next to me. nicely says "open the door Tyler, I need to finish fixing my hair" 4years and counting. She's the shit.
gatorgirl7563 22
Why not? Girls crap and fart, too, just like boys.
Boomi 39
Fact: Everyone poops. GET OVER IT.