Intimacy: Let me Slytherin - FML

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 012

You deserved it 10 976

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Same thing different taste

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 8 258

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 321

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 5 082

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 56 259

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 2 779

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 448

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 630

You deserved it 15 247

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 18 545

By yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 446

Next

Top comments

lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

Comments

kkh12 0

Thursday 23 December 2010 23:39

Your boyfriend is awesome.

fake_and_gay 0

Friday 24 December 2010 7:08

Epic Win!

whitest0rm 0

Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:53

lol fail xD

musik_prodigy 0

Friday 31 December 2010 18:02

I'm so sorry! Lmao but come on, you gotta laugh at that!

musik_prodigy 0

Friday 31 December 2010 18:05

I'm so sorry! Lmao but come on, you gotta laugh at that!

Lady_Lakura 0

Saturday 1 January 2011 0:20

Get over yourself, just get over yourself you uptight constipated twit...

MaidenNoMore 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 0:25

you should have just started laughing to get back at him

notalwaysbesta 14

Wednesday 12 January 2011 10:51

I wish a guy would do that to me! You should definitely appreciate his clear awesomeness! In fact you should give him an awesome nick name like Harry Pork-her, or tell him his Bottoms not the only thing that's Long (get it?) heeheehee =) If you don't like it I'll take him!

mandy1395 0

Monday 17 January 2011 4:47

that is so hot

darklingreaper 0

Saturday 22 January 2011 23:57

Omg, win!

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The Top

The Top

Today, I stopped at Starbucks to get tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As I was leaving, the automatic door closed, knocking my tea out of my hand. I headed back in, only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 796

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said, "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 902

You deserved it 5 150

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 370

You deserved it 9 300

Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 271

Today, my husband told me he no longer loves me and is moving out. It's also our 13th wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 265

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 067

You deserved it 2 865