Intimacy: Let me Slytherin - FML

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 012

You deserved it 10 976

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Same thing different taste

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 8 258

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 321

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 5 082

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 56 259

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 2 779

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 448

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 630

You deserved it 15 247

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 18 545

By yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 446

Next

Top comments

lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

Comments

bramberkhout 10

Friday 17 December 2010 14:22

haha oh my god thats so extraordinary that i just had to specially sign up to fml to be able to comment! my god, he is a douche but, in a way a genius!

CaitlynCannibal 0

Friday 17 December 2010 16:50

That's a true Harry Potter fan, right there.

zombiedoll 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 5:39

Hah! This is ******* hilarious! :)

stripeysocks123 0

Sunday 19 December 2010 0:36

What I wouldn't give for your boyfriend. Harry Potter FTW!

Orexym 1

Sunday 19 December 2010 7:42

The boyfriend wins... Like HELL YEA!!

green_eyed_gwen 0

Sunday 19 December 2010 21:23

His snake needed to enter, it's only common for a parseltounge.

kkreddancer 0

Monday 20 December 2010 5:35

that's freaking hilarious

Macadamia_fml 0

Monday 20 December 2010 10:15

Your boyfriend = win.

nyxx_fml 0

Tuesday 21 December 2010 21:17

I would be like, Ohmigod you're the best boyfriend ever. I love love love Harry Potter.

jazzboo10 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 3:00

wtf..

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The Top

The Top

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 175

You deserved it 37 533

Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 192

Today, I live somewhere with cold weather half the year, I'm pale, and I have anemia. I have a recessive blood disorder which makes my anemia worse. I'm stuck in this city because I can't live on my own, so I'm dependent on my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 91

Today, at my theatre group, I was supposed to stamp my foot in a tantrum then exit stage left. I stamped my foot at just the right height and power for it to go all the way up my leg and dislocate my hip. I’m only 36 and now I might have a bad hip for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 125

Today, it's been a year since I met a guy online. We clicked almost immediately. Eventually we started dating, after proving who we are through many sources. Turns out he lied about his age after he conspired to make sure I was 100% in love with him before telling me the truth. He's legal but the age gap is uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 121

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 113

You deserved it 3 122