Today, my workplace's new policy requires me to ask employees why they're calling out sick. I had to listen to the answer, "When it comes out of your bum, like a bullet from a gun…" FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML
Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML
Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML
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Top comments
lgrave 8
You: "Hi, I'm calling because you called out sick. The reason is because you're sick?" Employee: "Yes." You: "Fine, thanks!"
lgrave 8
and most of the civilized world, except the US
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Comments (8)
lgrave 8
You: "Hi, I'm calling because you called out sick. The reason is because you're sick?" Employee: "Yes." You: "Fine, thanks!"
Chazzster 32
When I worked in the San Diego area my boss did that. Worst of all he required me to do it if one of people I supervised called in sick. Frankly I considered the while thing distasteful. I assume the reason he did that was to place a little more pressure on his employees to not call in sick unless they were actually sick. I don’t think it ever made anyone get out of bed and come back in to work, but I suspect that it discouraged future call-ins unless you were actually sick. I know though that when I was home sick in bed it just pissed me off to have to talk to the boss when he called back.
poopface82 25
“Wheeeeeeeeen it comes out your bum like a bullet from a gun, that’s diarrhea! When you cancel your plans ‘cuz you can’t leave the can, that’s diarrhea!”
JackWood 21
Nobody has to explain why they are sick it's an invasion of privacy. I'm sick and can't make it is good enough.
Thaylok 17
It's the 'Rona.... symptoms include headache from a bad Sr managers crap, breathing and a series of gastric expulsions which sound like said Sr. Manager.
lgrave 8
and most of the civilized world, except the US
Hangryko 32
Don't ask if you're not prepared for the answer. (Not that you should be asking, and I question the legality of that policy.)
arimylove1 8
That's a ****** up hateful job.
arimylove1 8
But in the US, we often don't go see a doctor when we're just sick cuz of the expense. We have to be damn nearbon our deathbed. But still an inappropriate question for any employer to ask.
easybree 10
same in Canada. i’d laugh in my employers face if he ever asked me why I called in sick