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Incomprehensible

Today, I arrived in Tokyo and went to stay overnight in a teeny airport cabin hotel with shared bathroom facilities. I used the little wicker baskets to put my clothes on and when I came out of the shower, I found someone had stolen my favorite top. Who steals dirty clothes?! FML

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Mother of the year

Sorry…

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

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By Raela - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

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By BrutallyBlonde - United States

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

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By bellaellaella - United States

Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

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By xxxdwangelaxxx - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

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By rxcrs3 - United States

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

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By hopeless1 - United States

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

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By badluck - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

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By Quest for fun

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

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By omgwhyme - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, 'don't get naked in front of the TV.' FML

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By Bleached_Eyes - United States - Pikesville

Close-Knit Family

Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

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By nuttedthefout

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

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By shbaxter

That's nuts

Today, I finally got my car back after it was in the auto shop for a week. On my way home, I started swerving all over the road. It turns out they didn't tighten the lug nuts on one of my wheels properly. FML

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By willieboom - United States

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

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By kutekittykatz - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

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By msleea - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

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By youjustsuck - United States

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

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By buttercup92 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML

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By me. - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2021 20:00

Chill out, dudebro

Today, my hair is so long hair that it touches my shoulders now. My father attempted to bribe me into cutting my hair several times. I'm 30. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

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By fabz - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

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By Anon

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

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By Janitoro - United States

Double-edged sword

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

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By unlucky - United States - Wheeling

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

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By synn - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

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By jitiizer - Netherlands - Leeuwarden

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

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By Darren - 31/8/2020 04:01 - Australia - Greenacre

MVP

Today, during my second shift back at work after missing 4 weeks for knee surgery, I stabbed myself in the hand and now need 3 weeks off for that surgery. Just as I'm up for a promotion. FML

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By ksgirl - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

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By AnnaNick - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

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By belly the jelly

A job well done.

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

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By happybride

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

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By luciaspiano - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, both of the roads leading to my small town were washed out by rising flood waters. I now live on an island in the middle of Wyoming. FML

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Top comments

By blueknight1st | 26

#7781848 - Saturday 16 March 2019 0:37

Just be glad that they didn’t steal your dirty panties

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7781869 - Saturday 16 March 2019 2:36

how would they know they were dirty??

COMMENTS

By slowhandjp | 16

#7781806 - Friday 15 March 2019 21:32

welcome to Japan !
Spring is in the air,there're more and more perverts out there .
Be careful and enjoy Japan!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7781826 - Friday 15 March 2019 23:23

Dirty underwear fetches a much higher price than clean. Pretty soon, some perv will be sniffing your soiled panties while masturbating. Enjoy your trip!

Reply

power_in_the_now | 19

#7782327 - Sunday 17 March 2019 9:53

They didn’t take the underwear, they only stole her SHIRT which happens to be her favorite one. Which could mean she was dressed up on her flight or was wearing her favorite comfy shirt bc she was dressing comfortable for her flight and took a shower to dress up and enjoy a day out.

By blueknight1st | 26

#7781848 - Saturday 16 March 2019 0:37

Just be glad that they didn’t steal your dirty panties

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7781869 - Saturday 16 March 2019 2:36

how would they know they were dirty??

By tounces7 | 27

#7782221 - Sunday 17 March 2019 0:10

It's Japan, and you're a woman.

If my crude understanding of the culture is right, dirty women's clothes are a thing over there :P

By lovelyhippos | 15

#7884926 - Sunday 23 February 2020 18:12

Probably shouldn't trust the integrity of others on your travels.

By Jillian Cosby-Kelly | 15

#7884951 - Sunday 23 February 2020 21:27

why do you seem more concerned about the top than someone walking in while you were in the shower.....

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7884965 - Sunday 23 February 2020 23:07

the time stamps don't match. this says it was posted today (2/23/20), but the comments are from next month, including my previous one.

Reply

checamuk | 7

#7885463 - Tuesday 25 February 2020 23:20

It's from 10 years in the future? Wow! This internet thing is fancy.

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7885139 - Monday 24 February 2020 19:02

junkies steall dirty clothes

By AaronP11 | 11

#7886166 - Friday 28 February 2020 10:20

You didn't have lockers to use?