Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work...

By blah blah - 28/02/2019 14:00

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 250

Late term

Leave us alone

Stop talking!

By twinkie2 - 21/01/2011 08:35 - United States

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 954

You deserved it 13 826

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 3 247

By likecomeon - 03/11/2015 03:55 - United States - Glendale

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 857

You deserved it 1 735

By princessrose - 16/11/2016 11:05

Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 620

You deserved it 1 201

Overreaction much?

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:02

Today, I accidentally washed the jacket my mother bought me in the washing machine. I didn't know it was supposed to be dry cleaned. My mother ended up crying and screaming that I don't love her, and this would be the last time she ever buys me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 306

Get out of there, fast

By LeaveMeAlone - 23/02/2021 22:56

Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 108

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/07/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 128

You deserved it 10 676

By Noname - 16/03/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 436

You deserved it 103 104

By Shiverice - 13/10/2012 11:22 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 638

You deserved it 3 174

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 04:11 - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 292

You deserved it 5 310

By Jessica - 21/08/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 3 469

By Notthatone - 21/04/2015 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 364

You deserved it 4 000

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 02:37 - United States

Today, I was applying for a job at a corporate office. Everything went fine until I hurled all over the manager, who until then seemed to like me. Never eat expired canned tuna on the same day as an interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 943

You deserved it 34 574

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 54

By andi0804 - 05/08/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 798

You deserved it 3 572

By bloody hell - 04/06/2015 05:59 - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 916

You deserved it 3 833

By Holland - 04/04/2019 12:00

Today, my check engine light came on. I took my car to the dealership, to be told it wasn’t an issue, and I would be fine to drive and use my car normally until my appointment in 4 days. Four hours later, my car won’t start 45 minutes from home. I guess a $200 tow bill means I wasn’t fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 152

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 922

You deserved it 6 973

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 240

You deserved it 48 323

By notbrowsingnow - 08/05/2014 23:46 - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 742

You deserved it 51 248

By aloha - 12/03/2010 21:17 - France

Today, I landed in Hawaii for my vacation. I have a really bad ear infection, and to top my day off, my girlfriend blurted out mid-flight that she thinks we're not going to work out. Aloha! FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 2 166

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 775

You deserved it 3 641

Happy Mother's Day

By ImScrewed - 10/05/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I had my husband’s family over. Our adopted 4 year-old daughter drew a cute card and gave it to me saying, "Happy Mother’s Day mommy! I love you." My mother-in-law scoffed, "She’s infertile and not even your real mom, but ok." Now our daughter won’t stop asking all sorts of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 55

By carboncoach - 13/12/2013 17:24 - Egypt

Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 737

You deserved it 3 375

By hazlanz216 - 06/10/2011 22:28 - Canada

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 860

You deserved it 2 160

By Brittany - 28/03/2012 02:38 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 271

You deserved it 56 424

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 677

You deserved it 3 437

By my first job - 06/04/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 101

You deserved it 1 155

By TheSacredTeddyBear - 31/07/2013 03:06 - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 888

You deserved it 4 939

By Graham Watson - 01/07/2019 16:00

Today, I'm currently in hospital with a painful and swollen Achille's heel problem. I was dreaming of running down stairs. I then tripped on one, and as I whacked my foot on the stairs in my dream, I also raised my foot and whacked it on the end of the hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 160

Bad boy

By thehaystackerine - 24/06/2020 14:02

Today, my family and I are spending the weekend with my in-laws, and their disrespectful, disobedient asshole of a dog. He does whatever he wants, and if I scold him, my mother-in-law in turn scolds me, then tells me how something one of us did is to blame for the dog's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 267

Revelations

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 02:01

Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 56

By jake - 07/02/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I forgot it was her birthday. We had only been dating for 2 weeks. I didn't even know when it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 102

You deserved it 8 217

By yawho - 25/02/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 284

You deserved it 9 829

By NotTodaySatan - 07/07/2019 16:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 304

Notification sound

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 02:00

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 723

By mr - 27/07/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 702

You deserved it 10 374

By cplaner - 04/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 675

You deserved it 5 179

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 821

By william - 22/01/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said, loudly, "Haha, you can't even walk." I then notice the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 892

You deserved it 32 318

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Top comments

tounces7 27

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Thursday 28 February 2019 17:00

I mean, are you struggling financially? Context matters here. If you're having a hard time I can see why he'd rather work.

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Thursday 28 February 2019 15:31

kick him outta the house he can spend the day alone

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Thursday 28 February 2019 15:31

kick him outta the house he can spend the day alone

davidfong 14

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Thursday 28 February 2019 16:56

It might be time to talk with your husband about your relationship. It sound like you guys are so busy with work that you guys haven’t been able to husband and wife. Personally I think you guys need to take a romantic vacation. And trying to set up date/naught night for guys once a week. If that doesn’t work then maybe splitting up is the best thing for you guys and hopefully you guys don’t have kids if this is what end up happening. Good luck either way

tounces7 27

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Thursday 28 February 2019 17:00

I mean, are you struggling financially? Context matters here. If you're having a hard time I can see why he'd rather work.

GraffitiBomb 2

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Thursday 28 February 2019 21:27

Yep - been there, done that - "You work too much!" followed by "We don't have enough money!" Make up your mind, sweetheart.

J352SAURUS 30

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Thursday 28 February 2019 22:51

It kinda sounds like the guy is entitled to a day off, not that she is convincing him to take a day off.

saberjpg 6

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Thursday 28 February 2019 17:22

Time to look deep into how you treat him, and how he treats you. Sometimes we start taking our partners for granted. Sometimes we nag more than we reward. It isn't a conscious thing that people do, but it is something that people do.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 28 February 2019 17:54

You need to up your game, lady, if you’re losing out to work! Tell him if he stays home, he can get a ‘job or two ;)

Cody Nelson 3

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Friday 1 March 2019 0:12

This has to be literally about me. I remember saying that exact quote to my ex. I was tired of being broke sure but I didn’t enjoy the way the house constantly was either. I just wanted to leave a clean house if we went out. Looking at everything now though makes me wannna say kick him out. At least my story I was constantly worried and constantly struggling to make everything work for us and he kids. Made me cold to her not appearing to put in near the same effort and resulted in me being an abusive piece of shit. Hope whoever this fml is referring to does get to see it so he doesn’t have to make the dumbest mistakes I made out of my whole life

Paul B. Gyurcsanszky 14

Friday 1 March 2019 5:27

I think you need some ointment for that burn. I guess he’s sleeping outside tonight!

Nhayaa 21

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Friday 1 March 2019 7:38

Well now you know why he works so much...

Takegami 22

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Friday 1 March 2019 13:54

Look at all of this incorrect formatting! What, is using it too hard for you?

Rae Miller 10

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Friday 1 March 2019 15:09

I had to beg my ex of 10 years to marry me. After months of talking to him about what was going on and no strait answer, I realized I shouldn’t have to beg and I left. I face uncertainty financially for the first time in 10 years. But it’s worth it. Point being. Talk first then decide what’s right for you- being shot down and maybe made to feel worthless or being on your own.