By noporn4u - 3/10/2020 19:01 - United States - Kaukauna

Big bastard boss

Today, my time off request was rejected, and my boss promptly took the day off himself, claiming he has people coming to work on his house. We work from home. The day in question is my 5-year wedding anniversary. FML

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1203

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There's no helping some people

Sorry…

The smell detective is on the case

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent my remaining cash on a doctor's visit, only to find out that at the age of 22, I'm getting major health problems brought on by stress. I came home to relax, only to find out my roommate can't pay his rent, and needs me to cover for him so we don't get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32540

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By hurley - Australia

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

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29937

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By TractorUWG - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40259

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By inthedark - Canada

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

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39469

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By poopybed - United States

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

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36619

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By Dude_Stop

Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML

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4152

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By BrakesNotBumpers - United States - Reading

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28918

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By tommyboy783 - United States

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12044

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By NotAnUglyBaby - Mexico - C?rdoba

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20267

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By makeyourselfathome - Australia - Richmond

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44421

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By 20lbknockout - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

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43995

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By BudmaudeY - Sweden

Today, I noticed that the injury on my hand from three weeks ago no longer hurt. A while later, I accidentally slammed that same hand in a door. FML

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23348

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By walkingdictionary - Canada - Toronto

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

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17597

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By Anonymous - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28239

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By SoupCanoe - United Kingdom

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

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43012

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By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

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34954

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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23549

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By Roselyn Cazares

Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4092

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By unknown - United States - Tulare

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

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57875

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 04:02 - Japan - Okayama

Can't buy me love

Today, I realized while paying bills on my phone I fat-fingered which credit card I was paying and sent 299 to a paid-off card instead of 200 to another one. Now I'm going to have overdraft fees too. FML

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599

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

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56823

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By fartje - Netherlands

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer blatantly farted as I sat down, then she sneered, "Making yourself comfortable, I see..." FML

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32542

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irvine

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2020 23:00

Great boyfriend

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My man is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2323

You deserved it

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By Noname - United States

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By anonymous - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55685

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By PhilDavisDied? - France

He bangs the drums

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By mannnnn

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

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47621

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

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42109

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By goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt - United States - Midlothian

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49073

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By awkwardpanda

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Radbaby

Today, nearing the start of what I was hoping to be a relaxing week off, my air conditioning system died. A replacement system will be in the $7000 range, just the amount I'd finally saved for my dream vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3884

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By kalvin - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46304

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By Dandruff - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Johnson City

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13588

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By dumbfriend - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26716

You deserved it

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By xharmonyx - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's pee so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9735

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By SimpleSadie

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

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4584

You deserved it

458

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7942549 - Sunday 4 October 2020 3:15

Take a "sick day." You have a life.

By Jaymail | 17

#7942551 - Sunday 4 October 2020 4:10

If a job isn’t able to realize that you have a life BEYOND the company and they fire you then what have you REALLY lost? Your life memories will be remembered lots longer than what job you had in the year 2020. Life events are LOTS more important than making company memories.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7942549 - Sunday 4 October 2020 3:15

Take a "sick day." You have a life.

By Jaymail | 17

#7942551 - Sunday 4 October 2020 4:10

By Orange_Estates | 6

#7942574 - Sunday 4 October 2020 7:42

Yep, that sucks. Good luck for when you do get a break for your anniversary. Also, Happy Anniversary!