Love, Intimacy and Sex: I need a new strategy - FML

I need a new strategy

By Anonymous - 16/11/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, I promised my husband "unlimited butthole access" if he'd get off his video games and help me with my homework. He pointed out that this was the fourth time I'd promised him that, and that since I never followed through the last three times, he wouldn't be doing a thing. Well, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 1 045

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Same thing different taste

Heated gaming moment

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 19:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 122

You deserved it 6 794

By minecraftwilldie - 02/06/2011 16:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 180

You deserved it 14 739

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Spicy

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 168

You deserved it 5 611

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 19:54 - United States - Phoenix

Spicy

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 976

You deserved it 3 532

By Anonymous - 26/03/2019 00:00

Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 297

By Uhg - 10/03/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my spouse made it clear that they would rather play video games than be intimate with me. I've tried everything, but get nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 280

You deserved it 397

Training

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 459

You deserved it 72 608

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Spicy

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 119

You deserved it 7 821

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 796

You deserved it 8 815

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 538

You deserved it 5 710

Next

Top comments

Nico97 3

Thursday 16 November 2023 17:31

smart man

Gubbon 17

Thursday 16 November 2023 11:11

Shit indeed.

Comments

Gubbon 17

Thursday 16 November 2023 11:11

Shit indeed.

TomeDr 24

Thursday 16 November 2023 12:37

Don’t promise what you won’t deliver. Honestly, you two need couple’s counseling.

Nico97 3

Thursday 16 November 2023 17:31

smart man

L0life29 6

Thursday 16 November 2023 21:39

and men are the jerks 🤦🏻‍♂️

an_average_guy 6

Monday 27 November 2023 4:20

Your own fault.

BurnInDemonFire 33

Monday 11 December 2023 1:13

Basically OP, go **** your own asshole.

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Family Kids Fight Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception Medication Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 785

You deserved it 16 306

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 262

You deserved it 2 123

The Top

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 259

You deserved it 6 220

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 230

You deserved it 9 105

Today, following the advice of not putting my wallet in my back pocket, I put my wallet in my jacket's chest pocket. I lost my jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 553

You deserved it 1 508

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 737

You deserved it 1 234

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 136

Today, five minutes before closing, a woman came in to buy over $300 worth of clothing from the sales rack. My manager and I had to ring it all up, de-sensor it, fold it, bag it, etc. After it was all rung up, her credit card was declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 096

You deserved it 4 606