"I'm horny, horny horny horny" - FML

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 3 058

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Same thing different taste

By MissCan'tKeepAJob - 23/08/2011 16:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 118

You deserved it 57 534

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 14:09 - United States - Concord

Spicy

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 025

You deserved it 25 384

By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Spicy

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 739

You deserved it 874

Rubbing one out on the sly

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Spicy

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 531

You deserved it 2 446

By Hormones apparently - 08/12/2015 02:32 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 3 550

You wanker

By dinosaucer - 12/10/2011 00:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 290

You deserved it 3 556

Wanker

By fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Spicy

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 230

You deserved it 7 477

Wanker

By Sandman2015 - 29/01/2016 18:36 - United States - American Fork

Spicy

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 347

You deserved it 1 921

Promoted!

By Worst Way To Get Promoted - 25/09/2019 16:00

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 156

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Wolcott

Spicy

Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 189

Next

Top comments

JoanT 11

Tuesday 29 September 2020 23:13

Jesus at work on a yoga mat at least go to the bathroom next time 🤦🏽‍♀️

Chazzster 28

Tuesday 29 September 2020 23:35

Unless you are a **** star, you are paid to work not **********. Use some judgement.

Comments

Jerome C. Boyd 6

Monday 5 October 2020 6:33

I hate how you guys are judging. How adventurous I don't even know you and I wanna take you for ice cream and beer

randybryant799 20

Saturday 3 July 2021 9:25

That's absurd. Who masturbates at the office of all places???

Keywords

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The Top

Today, a lady told me I looked like Paul McCartney in his youth. With that little confidence boost, I told my girlfriend. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that she didn't know who Paul McCartney is, or how she is now obsessively Googling pictures of him and is practically drooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 195

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 572

You deserved it 2 672

The Top

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists, and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 216

You deserved it 16 145

Today, in desperate need of cash to get me by until payday, I decided to pawn one of my nicer possessions, a Coach purse. Today, I learned that counterfeiters are getting a lot better at their profession. Now I have no money AND a fake purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 130

You deserved it 631

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 040

You deserved it 31 033

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 311

You deserved it 9 035

Today, I got short-changed for a 12-pack of Mountain Dew. but I let it slide, even though they charged me double. i get home and immediately the box exploded and all the cans went falling down a flight of wooden stairs onto concrete. Fourteen stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 198

Today, I was dismissed because of my company's strict "no drugs" policy. Yesterday, I had a talk with my team leader and confessed that I have to take antidepressants; this arse then reported it to the management, and they fired me because they are not aware of what these pills contain, and it could affect my performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 123