Today, a nurse asked me how many sexual partners I’ve had in the last six months and as I started counting in my head, I realised I need to make better life choices before an STD makes my crotch shrivel up and die. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as a gynecologist, I’ve spent years telling people to be safe during sex. I should have known better, but I let my vagina do the thinking for me in a moment of weakness, had a meaningless anonymous one night stand, and I'm now pregnant and positive for chlamydia. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML
Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML
Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's thinking I had a UTI. Turns out I have an STD. FML
Today, I went to the free clinic down the street to prove to my girlfriend I don't have any STDs so that we can finally have sex. Turns out I have one. FML
Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML
Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML
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Top comments
GoogieWithers 25
Please practice safe sex.
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Comments (2)
The_Real_Cvh 10
If this is some sort of flex, remember that it only works on people who are shallow enough to believe that a high body count is a badge of honour.
GoogieWithers 25
Please practice safe sex.