Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML
Today, I heard my daughter-in-law refer to her twin daughters, my precious twin grandbabies, as “the good one” and “the shit stain”. FML
Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "Lil' yeast infection's sis." FML
Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, we got our daughter's birth certificate. Turns out my husband thought it would be funny to give her a middle name, which we never discussed, and he picked one to sound funny. Not actually going to tell the internet her name, but it’s as bad as calling a boy Ben Dover. I’m furious. FML
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Top comments
sc3ptical 30
Most people hear Aspen and think of skiing or beautiful trees. How old are you??
Storm Sternberg 10
Aspen is a cute name, I'm pretty sure it's rising in popularity, and it's the name of a common tree. I think you're being a bit weird about it.
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Comments (46)
Storm Sternberg 10
Aspen is a cute name, I'm pretty sure it's rising in popularity, and it's the name of a common tree. I think you're being a bit weird about it.
julfunky 29
Exactly. The location is the first thing I think of when I hear it. Then the tree. Last thing I think of? An ass pen.
julfunky 29
Let me clarify: By the “last thing I think of” I’m not actually saying ass pen comes to mind. Just that IF it would, it would’ve been the last thing that does.
user53658 15
I think it's very, VERY rude that your girlfriend gave your daughter a name that you not both agreed on...
Rabite 28
It's not like they didn't have lots of weeks to talk about this topic and it's also not a first come, first serve thing when the name is made official.
corky1992 33
I agree. Names should be decided on together.
sc3ptical 30
Most people hear Aspen and think of skiing or beautiful trees. How old are you??
zuckerburg 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Kids between the ages of 2 and 14 won't associate the name with beautiful trees or skiing? besides, it's probably just you that can afford or know of Aspen. White privilege much?
raven_of_azarath 35
It has nothing to do with white privilege. It’s a famous city in Colorado.
Mangascribbler 19
What the ****? How is going outside and learning the name of a plant white privilege? Or, if you don’t live near those kinds of trees, Google is a thing. I was 9 when I read my first book with a character named Aspen. The book cost $4.39 at a book fair. Even if you can’t afford $4.39 for a book, that 1) has nothing to do with what color you are, it just sucks, and 2) library cards are free, the series is called Mismantle.
Tillie Jenkins 5
Um.... even those of us that havent been to Aspen know about it. Thats not white privilege just knowing about it. And what 2 year old is gonna think of the word ASS when they hear someone's name?
7and7is 20
Way too young to raise a child. No matter his actual age.
DanielleinDC 34
I've never been to Aspen, nor do I ski, but I'm well-read enough to have heard of the city. That's not privilege, that's having a bit of smarts. And I don't know one tree from another, but I have heard of aspens. That's also what a bit of book learning will get ya. Sheesh.
BurnInDemonFire 39
That's a lot of stupid for one post.
interesting33 37
why is she allowed to name your daughter without you having a say. she is just as much your daughter. You girlfriend should not have to right to give her a name you disagree with.
never_three 21
What makes you think she didn’t try to get name options from him? Maybe OP didn’t like any of the names but didn’t give her options he likes. Maybe OP gave her free reign of name picking and now doesn’t like the name chosen. We don’t know that she just picked a name without ever talking to him about it.
interesting33 37
but that is a lot of maybes. what we DO know is that OP is not happy about their daughter's name but the wife chose it regardless. That is not a position any parent should really have to be in. So on that basis I am logically assuming that either the girlfriend didn't consult OP or did and ignored OP's decision. either way it is a one person naming process where one party is ignored and unhappy.
buckman1011 14
By the sound of OP, they aren’t married. Therefore she doesn’t have to include him in naming, or even on birth certificate, if she didn’t want to
interesting33 37
maybe she doesn't have to legally but morally I think she absolutely should!
EarthsMightiestHeroes 20
In all my years of existing, and all my experience with the word "aspen", I have never, NEVER thought of a pen lodged in a rectum. You, sir, sound too immature to be having children.
Kurliez408 32
Doesn't sound THAT weird to me, but unless you didn't tell her, why would she choose a name you didn't like?
Glowworm56 27
To be honest, the first thing I think of is a tree, and then maybe aspirin, but not of asses nor pens stuck inside of them.
Chazzster 32
Am I the only one thinking that if you had married your girlfriend both of you would be picking out your daughter’s name.
tarabella 7
Yes. You are.
tarabella 7
Nickname her Penny and make sure it sticks. Maybe that would be a bit better than...the alternative