Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
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Top comments
Anbuntou 8
Children. Aren't they just precious...
slick5880 22
Shit happens. :)
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Comments (158)
hnz 13
That's where you smile and kiss her with your dog crap face! A tit for a tat!
steelers112 3
That's just gross and possibly borderline child abuse. Feel bad for your kids.
hnz 13
Come on. It's for pure fun and laughter!
jwade11 12
I agree completely funny!!!
shrimp1234 4
Rate this comment down. I want to break a record
siickman 7
Thats bull Shit.... Is your child that much of a genuis!?!?!? .. Lmfao jk but seriuosly that does suck :/
vinzk_fml 6
Your comment sucks.
ikickgingers 15
At least his comment didn't dislocate it's jaw in the process.
scruffy_janitor5 1
Your daughter is an evil genius
abluekiwi 0
I look at comment 17... And then 19... And I see... Both have the same idea but 19 is so so simple and 17... Well...
A100893 30
Your daughter is clever. Evil, but clever.
abluekiwi 0
Clever girl. O.o
abhi95 31
She reminds me of Voldemort
2wenty0ne21 0
Hide under her bed and make noises tonight.
KKMH 3
my guess is that that's not the worst thing u have smelled on your knees
TemporarySharpie 3
LOL evil kid.
iNomBaconz 0
1. Find a bit of homeless man feces.. 2. Add liquid until the excrement is at a watery state 3. Put mixture in child's shampoo bottle 4.????? 5. Profit.
muggle_born 6
dude, She's 3 years old.
kcircuses2 4
I can dig the south park reference well done sir
s0m3guy2010 21
Is this where they originally got the term for brown nosing?