Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
Weezay 5
Lmfao!
Vulpes21 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
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Comments (315)
micahsmommy 13
Bread that makes you poo? I hope that comes with a warning label. Next time just have a cup of oolong tea.
Jaxx66 21
I've never heard of oolong tea. I usually have to use magnesium citrate. So if that works, I will be very grateful for your suggestion!
micahsmommy 13
It's between a green and a black tea. It's slightly fermented but not as much as a black tea. Oolongs help with digestion and boost metabolism. Traditional Chinese restaurants served oolong because it keeps you from absorbing all the carbs you had with the rice. Go for loose leaf tea for the most benefits.
boomhauer18 3
Thats what i call a good time
planetsmurf 6
Can I get a courtesy flush?
chemicalxsunday 12
What bread is that ...
xoverratedgutsx 0
Try having Crohn's Disease......then complain about your ass hole
namseace 8
agreed!
fmylifeforrealx3 0
ouch sorry but... grumpy
lylotrezor 20
53: Do, or do not. There is no try.
cinderella10383 6
IBS is just like this FML except with IBS comes extreme pain, weekly episodes and nothing helps relieve them but going to the bathroom and sometimes vomiting too!
OfficeNinja 5
I don't think I have ever gone past the "ring of fire" stage and into the "can't feel my asshole" stage. That sounds terrible.
luccmon 6
Gross!
trellz17 19
Better out than in
Llamacod 11
Way to be second with the out than in crap
Jaxx66 21
^ third actually.
kushsmokee 0
Lol sounds miint
sammii455 1
Uhm just ew?