Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
Weezay 5
Lmfao!
Vulpes21 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
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Comments (315)
josiemorehouse 12
Damn, OP, that really sucks!! BTDT, it happens to everyone at some point. Try taking fiber supplements every other day, and eat some raw fruits/veggies, and drink plenty of water. Hydrate!!! Hopefully your ass will feel better soon!!
DancerGirl123321 0
So you sit on the toilet posting to FML? I mean, even if everyone does it, nobody wants to KNOW...
megapeyt 17
Hey it could be coming out of your mouth ^_^
Devin91 20
That's shit
fmylifeforrealx3 0
Don't be an asshole.
TheFamilyElf 17
What a pain in the ass.
lizard399 0
I hate the *****.. But I can't help but love those jalapeño poppers! And coffee.. Not a good combo when it comes to the end result..
beaner45 0
Lmfao hahah.
greenbean_12345 7
I sincerely feel sad for you :(
BAxSoulCity 1
that was very desturbing to read