Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.
Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung on the balls by a jellyfish. FML
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Top comments
EvilDoll 7
well, at least then the shark would definantly not want to eat you. you'd taste like shit
Cooking_Boy 0
Oh well. Better than bleeding I suppose. I'm sure the shark was laughing at you inside though. Did it recoil in disgust and give you a cold stare with its eyebrow raised? And yes, I'm fully aware that by taking the time to write this I've abandoned any chance I had at getting the revered 'first post'.
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Comments (232)
scottyrocks123 21
can't shit your self under water.
sharkshaveteeth 0
jealous that you got to experience sharks up close, but sucks that you shit your pants. still jealous though!
angrymexican 8
If you watched tosh.0 when the shark gets close the shark ***** itself. or was that soviet Russia
iTyler 0
WTF whose family goes swimming wit sharks
Luvmehateme292 0
The op's. Duh!
doubleodoggy 0
It doesn't matter, the ocean is full of sh*t (literally speaking)!
bamwizzle 7
Well at least that would've repelled it and all thoughts of ever going near you would've been abandoned.
JokeMeister 0
your cowardly bowels are hooked to YOUR cowardly ass.
brycen22 0
maybe you need dippers
abbyleighh143 0
I would have too! atleast it wasn't blood!
nathanftvvv_fml 0
Dang control yourself mannnn