Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I tried meditating at the park to “be more mindful.” Right as I closed my eyes, a squirrel jumped onto my leg, causing me to scream loud enough to scare a nearby jogger, who then tripped over his own feet. I apologized while shaking uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML
Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML
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Top comments
shiroun 0
What the hell is with all the paranoid women? If theres a shadow behind you it doesnt automatically mean that youre about to get raped.
je_tdwp 4
Who the hell waves their arms to ward off an attacker? Are you dealing with a raccoon or a mugger here?
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Comments (160)
ISuperfantastica_fml 0
OMFG this sounds like something i would do. FYL
iloveericmaynor 0
omg youre ******* stupid. glance behind you if youre paranoid or speed up a little... or if youre that paranoid dont walk alone at night. im glad the jogger took it well. i wouldve punched you in the face
Nosferatu2894 0
#48, read a ******* dictionary. Paranoia is defined as baseless or excessive fear, how can it be necessary? Should you be afraid of the nice guy trying to buy you a drink "just cuz"?
LuLu25_fml 0
lmao your dumbbbbb
citruschick 0
Haha I went jogging today
tyonclav 0
I think you have a slight problem. Go talk to someone.
ithedarkknight 0
what a loser lol dont get any attention so you try faking one if i was the jogger i would of ran past u and said attention *****/crazy bitch~!
xiateababyx 0
why the hell would you do that.?????? you were on a public sidewalk OTHER PEOPLE WILL BE THERE YDI
pyromance 0
some people are just so dumb! i know it's already been said, but NOT EVERY THING YOU SEE (or sees u) WANTS/ IS GONNA RAPE U!!! i mean shit man, u sound like my mom. she's always telling me to "be very very careful" around people, especially at night. well **** that. and people probably don't even want to go near u. that's why u are walking alone, isn't it? everyone hates u and yo damn flailing, don't they? i figured.
yaktazuki 0
I can totally picturing this happening in my mind