By pickuptruckblues - Canada - Mississauga

Final Destination

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

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This Charming Man

BO Central

Walk on the wild side

By Whoops - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

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By Syrinth - Canada

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

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By doglover - United States

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

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By i tried so hard - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed a man in my neighborhood waving at me. I don't talk to him often so I excitedly waved back. Turns out he was trying to warn me of the car about to hit me. FML

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By jakeeey - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

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By grenade - United States

Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

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By nick - United States

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, a phone I bought online turned up while I was at work. The delivery guy left a note saying he'd left the package with my neighbor at #10. When I went and knocked on the door and asked for the package, my neighbor said "Nope, nothing delivered here." and quickly shut the door in my face. FML

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By #MurrayShow

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

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By caisse à outs - France - Saint Quentin

Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML

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By Anonymous - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, going to my psychiatrist's appointment for my PTSD and depression, my mother yelled about how useless I am and how I torture her existence with my "abnormalities." She told the doctor how much I've improved and become such a delight at home for her and our family. FML

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By Selfish Whiner - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

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By dammit - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

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By SecondBest,IGuess - United States

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

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By arghh - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

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By StupidPets - United States - Murrysville

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

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By kfoehslfns - United States

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

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By Leftattheairport

Today, I went to pick up my long distance boyfriend at the airport. It has been over six months since I last saw him and four days since I last heard from him. He never showed up. FML

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By Ray - 31/12/2020 16:58

Anticlimactic

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

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By bob - United States

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Paducah

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

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By toothache - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 20:06

You're so vain, you probably think this FML is about you

Today, my daughter is so selfish, she did her makeup in her hospital room so she could take a selfie with her newborn son in the background BEFORE she had even held him for the first time. Yes, BEFORE. My grandson spent his first hour of life waiting for his mom to be ready for a photo op. FML

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By her mom raised her - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wentzville

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

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By arknvl - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

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By soul0eater - Saudi Arabia

Stranger danger

Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML

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By thedogwalker - 9/8/2020 08:02

Mistaken identity

Today, I was out walking my dog, when a lady called out to me asking, “Is that a boy or a girl?” Assuming she meant the dog, I told her that he was a boy. When I turned away, I heard her say to her kid, “I was talking about the person walking the dog, but whatever,” then audibly laughing. FML

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By Korisite - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

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Top comments

By Sonjington | 20

#6120976 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:01

Smashing.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6120982 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

I always go (safely) around people with trailers or truck beds full of stuff and I never get close enough to be hit by anything that flies out of the back. My grandpa works in construction and always secures his tools and plywood, etc securely, but there are so many people who clearly don't.

COMMENTS

By Sonjington | 20

#6120976 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:01

Smashing.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6120999 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:18

I think we've forgotten the most important question...is the plywood ok?

Reply

HarshD9619 | 34

#6121005 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:24

Take care of your junk, don't want that wood flying around

Reply

wallamanut | 14

#6121096 - Monday 17 November 2014 19:40

I woodn't use puns at a time like this. sorry OP, FYL :(

Reply

JuliaaNoelle | 26

#6121120 - Monday 17 November 2014 19:55

That's some Final Destination shit right there.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6121567 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 4:49

That wood mean OP was stopped too close to the truck.

By 0h_Boy | 26

#6120978 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:02

You must be psychic

Reply

kaablam | 17

#6122003 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 17:23

Not psychic enough, obviously, or Op would not have stopped so close behind the vicariously stacked junk truck.

By vass123 | 12

#6120979 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:02

Should've checked man.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6120982 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

I always go (safely) around people with trailers or truck beds full of stuff and I never get close enough to be hit by anything that flies out of the back. My grandpa works in construction and always secures his tools and plywood, etc securely, but there are so many people who clearly don't.

Reply

MrConcise | 34

#6121023 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:40

Not to mention safety regulations are enforced worse than the supplies themselves.

Reply

whatwhyhoo | 10

#6121954 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 16:09

Exactly.

By panicsdisaster | 17

#6120983 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

Hopefully no one got hurt

By geekbuscus | 19

#6120984 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

I hate driving behind trucks like that but then I've probably seen Final Destination too many times. At least it didn't go through your windshield, right?

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6121125 - Monday 17 November 2014 19:59

That film still makes me shudder, probably shouldn't have watched it when I was a kid...

Reply

geekbuscus | 19

#6121195 - Monday 17 November 2014 20:54

Right? Those movies are so ridiculous in how unlikely/impossible the deaths are but the truck one definitely got me.

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6120986 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:05

Tough break, OP. I wood hope they have insurance.

By Poofhereiam | 13

#6120989 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:09

Hopefully you guys are okay

By teapotrevolt | 27

#6120992 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:10

Always trust your instincts... I hope the damage is minimal!

By SarahSehhati | 40

#6120997 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:14

Final Destination is all I can think about....