By pickuptruckblues - Canada - Mississauga

Final Destination

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

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Understandable

The smell detective is on the case

Seize the means

By Anonymous - United States - Bakersfield

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

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By Mary Anne - 3/9/2020 09:04 - United States - Denver

Rack go thwack

Today, while at work, I walked head first into the edge of a clothing rack. I was looking right at it. People saw. FML

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

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By DallasGal - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

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By localbarista - United States

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

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By kfenton - United States

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

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By Squeak - United States - Bremerton

It means us! Look at us!

Today, at work I put myself squarely in the lame / old people category when I foolishly asked out loud what FML meant. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

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By HeartToFart - United States - North Port

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

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By LizGo - United States - Greenville

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

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By AsianSensation - Canada - Toronto

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2020 02:00

Getting the point across

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

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By duhasiangirl - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

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By fuckingdieyouoldhag - United States

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

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By oh gee, you don't say - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

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By tinypenis - United States - Jamaica

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

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By kay-z - United States

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

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By Chemist-why - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

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By Grad2010 - United States

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

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By LDL - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

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By zawbentley - United States

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

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By FamilySecret - United States

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

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By lolzor - Australia

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

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By James - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

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By feelinblue - Australia

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

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By Bob - United States

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

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By Derpina - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

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By Jonas - United States - Wimberley

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

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By Bec - Australia

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

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By lukey101 - 17/12/2020 01:58 - Australia - Caboolture

That took a dark turn…

Today, I asked a colleague what part of town he was from. After explaining, he went on to say how much his wife loved the house and its location. That was of course until she died and soiled herself in their bed one night, which he didn't realise until the next morning. Sorry for asking. FML

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By kl - Canada

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

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By CRH - United States

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

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By really

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

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By huj - United States

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

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By zuut - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

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By HarleyDavison - United States - Harrisonville

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

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By carr - France

Today, my mother noticed that I hadn't taken the trash out in a few weeks and angry, piled various full trash bags on my bed. I've been away on holiday for the past three weeks, I guess she didn't notice that part. FML

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Top comments

By Sonjington | 20

#6120976 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:01

Smashing.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6120982 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

I always go (safely) around people with trailers or truck beds full of stuff and I never get close enough to be hit by anything that flies out of the back. My grandpa works in construction and always secures his tools and plywood, etc securely, but there are so many people who clearly don't.

COMMENTS

By Sonjington | 20

#6120976 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:01

Smashing.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6120999 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:18

I think we've forgotten the most important question...is the plywood ok?

Reply

HarshD9619 | 34

#6121005 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:24

Take care of your junk, don't want that wood flying around

Reply

wallamanut | 14

#6121096 - Monday 17 November 2014 19:40

I woodn't use puns at a time like this. sorry OP, FYL :(

Reply

JuliaaNoelle | 26

#6121120 - Monday 17 November 2014 19:55

That's some Final Destination shit right there.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6121567 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 4:49

That wood mean OP was stopped too close to the truck.

By 0h_Boy | 26

#6120978 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:02

You must be psychic

Reply

kaablam | 17

#6122003 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 17:23

Not psychic enough, obviously, or Op would not have stopped so close behind the vicariously stacked junk truck.

By vass123 | 12

#6120979 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:02

Should've checked man.

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6120982 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

I always go (safely) around people with trailers or truck beds full of stuff and I never get close enough to be hit by anything that flies out of the back. My grandpa works in construction and always secures his tools and plywood, etc securely, but there are so many people who clearly don't.

Reply

MrConcise | 34

#6121023 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:40

Not to mention safety regulations are enforced worse than the supplies themselves.

Reply

whatwhyhoo | 10

#6121954 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 16:09

Exactly.

By panicsdisaster | 17

#6120983 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

Hopefully no one got hurt

By geekbuscus | 19

#6120984 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:03

I hate driving behind trucks like that but then I've probably seen Final Destination too many times. At least it didn't go through your windshield, right?

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6121125 - Monday 17 November 2014 19:59

That film still makes me shudder, probably shouldn't have watched it when I was a kid...

Reply

geekbuscus | 19

#6121195 - Monday 17 November 2014 20:54

Right? Those movies are so ridiculous in how unlikely/impossible the deaths are but the truck one definitely got me.

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6120986 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:05

Tough break, OP. I wood hope they have insurance.

By Poofhereiam | 13

#6120989 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:09

Hopefully you guys are okay

By teapotrevolt | 27

#6120992 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:10

Always trust your instincts... I hope the damage is minimal!

By SarahSehhati | 40

#6120997 - Monday 17 November 2014 18:14

Final Destination is all I can think about....