Love, Sex and Roommate: Dude bros - FML

Dude bros

By Single - 14/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Spicy

Today, I learned that when you try to be respectful of your new girlfriend and stay out of her pants for the first couple of months, she's just going to sleep with your douchebag roommate. He even said, "A girl this hot, you need to fuck her ASAP or she'll leave. Your loss, dude." FML

agreeclassic 488

vote type 1 258

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

Women shouldn't fart?

By single again - 06/04/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML

agreeclassic 487

vote type 1 3 209

Wake up Boo!

By what a dumbass - 19/05/2022 04:00

Today, my idiot roommate finally realized that a girl who follows you everywhere like a puppy, always wants to talk to you, and "accidentally" sends nudes is into you. Unfortunately, she's since moved on from him. Now I get to listen to him whine about how unfair it all is. FML

agreeclassic 1 301

vote type 1 145

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

agreeclassic 25 271

vote type 1 3 186

Just not with me

By NotMeFML - 07/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Miami

Spicy

Today, I found out that the girl I went on a date with, and refused to sleep with me because she, “doesn’t have sex on the first date” had no qualms about sleeping with my buddy on his first date with her. FML

agreeclassic 249

vote type 1 329

By rawdoglyfe69 - 17/04/2013 06:14 - United States - Helena

Spicy

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

agreeclassic 63 532

vote type 1 6 086

News to me

By Liav - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Spicy

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

agreeclassic 6 341

vote type 1 1 957

By burb - 25/09/2013 19:23 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

agreeclassic 45 057

vote type 1 3 908

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

agreeclassic 11 915

vote type 1 39 584

Scoundrel

By oops123 - 15/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I don't pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well, technically, my fiancée." FML

agreeclassic 78 508

vote type 1 14 267

I need my own place

By Anonymous - 05/03/2025 11:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML

agreeclassic 517

vote type 1 110

Next

TOP COMMENTS

TXdude4503 2

Sunday 19 January 2025 13:20

you friend zoned yourself dumbass

Comments

Plcx 8

Saturday 14 December 2024 22:03

Je He’s totally right! Do you think girls really are princesses or what?!

TXdude4503 2

Sunday 19 January 2025 13:20

you friend zoned yourself dumbass

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I got bitched at by an old lady in Walmart for not wearing a mask. I had lowered my mask to use my inhaler, because I was having an asthma attack. FML

agreeclassic 1 118

vote type 1 128

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

agreeclassic 29 538

vote type 1 2 608

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

agreeclassic 2 349

vote type 1 409

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML

agreeclassic 34 572

vote type 1 13 919

Today, I’m 8 months pregnant. The father says the he won’t come to any more appointments, the baby shower, or even the birth unless his new girlfriend is allowed to be in the room when I deliver. I said absolutely not, so he told me to never call him again, and blocked me. They’ve been together for 2 months. FML

agreeclassic 1 069

vote type 1 266

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

agreeclassic 4 309

vote type 1 467