By Anonymous - 9/9/2019 08:00 - United States - Rahway

Double dipping

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1749

You deserved it

198

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Dangling modifier

Not a cheating!

Buzzing the tower

By Mr IT - 24/11/2009 01:47 - Sweden

Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6730

You deserved it

42953

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By Cult - 30/3/2014 14:27 - United States - Glenside

Today, I found out that my favorite band logo is no longer being used by said band because of copyright issues. I have this logo tattooed on my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26265

You deserved it

57342

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By Jon - 2/4/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42105

You deserved it

3444

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By dead man walking? - 4/10/2015 13:21 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25615

You deserved it

2193

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By CutieBooty - 22/2/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24256

You deserved it

35607

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By lacucarcha - 15/10/2015 21:47 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my boyfriend flamboyantly proposed to me in a packed restaurant. I promptly had a panic attack and fainted in front of at least fifty people and a full mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24962

You deserved it

2244

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11120

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1741

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By tkdbb11790 - 20/11/2019 14:00

Threesome

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

800

You deserved it

4559

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By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/3/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44417

You deserved it

3349

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2013 20:12 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32372

You deserved it

5062

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By Annie - 31/8/2011 03:17 - United States

Waste

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36588

You deserved it

5234

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By Cissy - 27/12/2018 00:00

Today, my former coworker called to ask if he could get it on with my ex-husband. The same ex I was married to for 20 years without knowing anything about his other life. I've been replaced by an overweight, middle-aged furry. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2339

You deserved it

233

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By Fmycatslife - 26/7/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20808

You deserved it

78042

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By nude - 15/1/2010 00:43 - United States

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8017

You deserved it

32124

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By tailgaterhater - 17/8/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20944

You deserved it

47215

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By fatblooddonor - 26/2/2019 04:00

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2029

You deserved it

309

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30242

You deserved it

2604

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By baddriver - 31/1/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10967

You deserved it

24460

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By C2 - 17/1/2009 23:17 - Australia

Today, at a party, I watched the guy I've liked for AGES come out of a bedroom with one of my gay male friends. They were in there for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29254

You deserved it

3112

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By River - 26/2/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18153

You deserved it

55718

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By PartTimePrincess - 10/9/2013 14:56 - United States

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50069

You deserved it

4098

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1784

You deserved it

121

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By AchievementUnlocked? - 19/10/2013 07:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46221

You deserved it

6425

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33014

You deserved it

2534

Favorite

By dreamdude - 20/9/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65197

You deserved it

4050

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 16:16 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63169

You deserved it

8735

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 21:03 - United States - Edison

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48285

You deserved it

3404

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By notsomuch - 1/8/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30664

You deserved it

3922

Favorite

By Fitz - 12/4/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

133742

You deserved it

6183

Favorite

By lk mm, n vwls - 11/1/2014 01:20 - United States - Mansfield Depot

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42369

You deserved it

4774

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By FunGhoost - 20/2/2015 13:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37304

You deserved it

5227

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47474

You deserved it

8204

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10809

You deserved it

50974

Favorite

By T-Shain - 31/5/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49280

You deserved it

8507

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 23:03

Dead to me

Today, and for the last week, I've been dreaming only to wake up when my dream-self commits suicide. I'm generally a happy person, so I've no idea why my subconscious is killing me so often. This time, I stuck my face in an industrial-size blender. I can still feel my jaw rattling from the impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1440

You deserved it

Favorite

By brittney242 - 17/12/2016 10:03 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8523

You deserved it

629

Favorite

By Dirty_Mind_69 - 20/7/2013 08:35 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58100

You deserved it

9869

Favorite

By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29275

You deserved it

2263

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 13:29 - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cop laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13070

You deserved it

32095

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By shoggoth_wild - 27/2/2015 14:13 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35841

You deserved it

3490

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7842044 - Monday 9 September 2019 20:06

So is he cheating on you, or is this an unrequited love that he doesn't share, or even know about? Details, lady.

By stormy0307 | 16

#7841926 - Monday 9 September 2019 14:02

Was he aware you’ve loved him this last year?

COMMENTS

By stormy0307 | 16

#7841926 - Monday 9 September 2019 14:02

Was he aware you’ve loved him this last year?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7841970 - Monday 9 September 2019 16:40

Stranger danger!

FYI: you're the stranger.

By ElVicioTPD | 3

#7842032 - Monday 9 September 2019 19:44

so.... what's the plan? Because i assume you ARE gonna screw him over somehow, won't 'cha?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7842044 - Monday 9 September 2019 20:06

So is he cheating on you, or is this an unrequited love that he doesn't share, or even know about? Details, lady.

By Morgan Kwn | 19

#7842127 - Monday 9 September 2019 23:44

Perfect definition of a douche. Sorry OP. I know you’ve probably heard/read this already but you’re better off without him. All the best for the future

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7842309 - Tuesday 10 September 2019 15:02

You don't know that. OP only says she loves him, and she means nothing to him. There is no way you can infer that he's a douche until she specifically says he's cheating on her. Dude could have seen OP as a friend, or merely someone he vaguely knows exists, and is living his life separate from hers because she hasn't told him how she feels, or he could just not be into her.

By 831curmudgeon | 7

#7842338 - Tuesday 10 September 2019 16:15

Took you a year to realize?