Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
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Top comments
DjeePee 25
Stare seductively? I bet you scared the shit out of him with your creepy stare.
barlessprison 16
well at least you made an impression!
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Comments (146)
Sonic_boomerang 5
Now there are boogies in the straw :( hope the drink was almost gone
ryankon518 3
A great way to break the ice... you should have had him hold your nose. Blood is a great way to get to know people. I'm an EMT, I should know :P
michaelm1290 23
no your really not..
bachooka 5
if a girl sucking on a straw reminds you of getting a BJ... it says alot more about you than it does about them. She said she was looking at him seductively, not deep throating the straw.
Tantalum 1
The straw should have poked you in one of your eye to stop the starring.
Megs431 6
EPIIIC FAIIL.!!
CitrusGirl 0
When you're happily married in the future it will be something to laugh about! Then again, he could avoid you for the rest of forever...
butterbear98 3
is it horrible that I started to laugh hysterically when I read this
afdude87 6
it depends on how said straw is sucked on. not all girls deep throat, so your argument is null. she was looking at him 'seductively', and trying to suck on a straw. what else is that supposed to make you think about? rainbows and butterflies?
daywalker26 0
should of wrote a note ending with.... circle yes or np
TinyDude 10
smooth~