Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
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Top comments
DjeePee 25
Stare seductively? I bet you scared the shit out of him with your creepy stare.
barlessprison 16
well at least you made an impression!
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Comments (146)
johnnybagodonuts 2
YDI times a million. real smooth, dumbass
BamBarBiYaKergud 2
get some practice at the mirror how to flirt e t c before use it in real life loooooooool
kseizzle 0
nobody should ever suck on something to flirt. it's unsubtle and makes you look like an inept ****.
Ann23 7
well at least you tried, hopefully he got the hint.
Raines38 0
damn girl u r fine as ****
awesomeooo3 0
Or she was trying to act like a **** haha YDI OP.
bigbadtim 7
Your sucking skills need work if you want to impress him.
kingatowning 2
or even netter. nothin is more sexy than a woman making her man a sandwich... So..GET BACK IN DA MUTHA F*CKING kitchen!! and make me a damn sammich!
jklol11 0
u kinda deserved it for not knowing how suck a straw without looking.. did he help you at all when you started bleeding??
zemma_soup 0
game over you creeped him out
slantyshanty 7
#16, don't be such a communist/prude. there is nothing wrong with being flirty.
Livinia 11
I wouldn't want somebody staring at me creepily whilst sucking a straw... but that's just me.
awesomeooo3 0
She doesn't have to suck on a straw to flirt. The way it sounded to me was that she was miming a ********, and that is slutty.