Dogs and Animals: Carpe diem - FML

Carpe diem

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 568

You deserved it 12 008

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Top comments

Epic_Phale615 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't trick your dog by getting into the doggy style position?

A7X_LoVeee 10

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't lie. you enjoyed it.

Comments

lmfao_miniwheats 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:53

hahahaha literaly or figurativly speaking? lmao

johnnykid123 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:59

haha it's so gross when dogs hump you!

mastermiller28 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 5:33

my dog does that to my sister and my dog is a female

Noobkillerxx 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 5:42

lol serves you right!

wowzersselainee 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 5:49

awww...poor doggy is sexually frustrated and lonely :(

Obeey 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 5:51

my dog does that

BigN18 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 5:56

;)

EvilTeddysRock 2

Thursday 24 March 2011 5:57

am I the only one who thinks it's a possibility that the dog was a super genius and planned/made the ball go under the couch? ball+under couch= who's your master now! lol

NotMyDay92 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 6:06

Surprise butt sex? (:

batgirl_babygirl 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 6:09

hopefully not literaly haha

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The Top

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter overreacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 397

You deserved it 3 561

Today, as my date and I were climbing into bed, she casually mentioned she’s never had an anonymous one night stand before. We work in the same office; that’s where we met. Apparently, I was always under her radar, and she assumed I was a customer instead of her coworker of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 223

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 34 838

You deserved it 2 648

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "To put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 096

You deserved it 9 410

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I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 5 375

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 424

You deserved it 53 628

Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 53

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 675

You deserved it 62 795