C'mon Kids

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé walked out on me saying he loved me dearly, but not enough to continue parenting my three kids from my previous marriage because they hate him, he now hates them, and they’re not his problem to continue dealing with. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him. FML
I agree, your life sucks 914
You deserved it 606

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Frankly, 3 kids is a lot of responsibility to take on, even more so as a step-parent. Building a positive relationship between your second spouse and your kids is an important part of making it work, because like it or not, you now come as a package deal. You need to prioritize that with any future relationship when it gets serious, and recognize your kids could be actively sabotaging you hoping that you get back with their dad. That was the one road-bump with my wife and I - she has a now teenage son from a previous relationship. I had to really determine if I was ready to take that on. Fortunately he's a great kid, and while he has the usual teenager problems with authority, we have a decent relationship. If it had been pure antagonism and abuse from him all the way, I don't think it would have worked out.

That’s a heart breaker. To be honest I cannot blame the guy. Kids can be a big responsibility, but worse than that sometimes they intentionally attempt to sabotage relationships. They may have the fantasy of forcing you back together with Dad or sometimes they start thinking of themselves as the “man” (or woman) of the house. I had difficulties with my teenage son and that may have been sabotage or it could have just been his outsized sense of self-importance. My Dad who was divorced at the time had a teenage daughter (my sister) who thought of herself as the “lady of the house” and she and Dad’s new wife had to come to an understanding. The best I can say is: (1) You need to make sure your children are not sabotaging your relationship. If they are a problem you must stop that from the beginning. (2) From the onset you need to make sure your “boyfriend” sees it as a package deal, you and your children. You will need to understand that many young men will not be to happy to step into that deal and you may need to adjust your dating. Or alternatively you might have to take a few years off from dating until your children are less of an issue. By the way it’s almost always the teenage children that are the biggest problems.

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Frankly, 3 kids is a lot of responsibility to take on, even more so as a step-parent. Building a positive relationship between your second spouse and your kids is an important part of making it work, because like it or not, you now come as a package deal. You need to prioritize that with any future relationship when it gets serious, and recognize your kids could be actively sabotaging you hoping that you get back with their dad. That was the one road-bump with my wife and I - she has a now teenage son from a previous relationship. I had to really determine if I was ready to take that on. Fortunately he's a great kid, and while he has the usual teenager problems with authority, we have a decent relationship. If it had been pure antagonism and abuse from him all the way, I don't think it would have worked out.

That's a lot of kids! Just resign yourself to being a bitter old spinster and resent your kids for driving away your last shot at love. They deserve that.

At least this should get easier the older everyone gets. When I was 20 there's no way I date a girl with 3 kids, at 30 it's at least in the realm of possibility.

I hope at 31, you'll realize that that is batshit crazy!

that's super fucked up of him my husband took on 4 of my kids from a previous relationship and then we had 2 more together. These comments are also bullshit he knew about the kids to begin with and if he wasn't man enough to stick it out because they "hate him" he didn't actually want to commit to the fatherly role to begin with he shouldn't have wasted her time.

You're full of it

That’s a heart breaker. To be honest I cannot blame the guy. Kids can be a big responsibility, but worse than that sometimes they intentionally attempt to sabotage relationships. They may have the fantasy of forcing you back together with Dad or sometimes they start thinking of themselves as the “man” (or woman) of the house. I had difficulties with my teenage son and that may have been sabotage or it could have just been his outsized sense of self-importance. My Dad who was divorced at the time had a teenage daughter (my sister) who thought of herself as the “lady of the house” and she and Dad’s new wife had to come to an understanding. The best I can say is: (1) You need to make sure your children are not sabotaging your relationship. If they are a problem you must stop that from the beginning. (2) From the onset you need to make sure your “boyfriend” sees it as a package deal, you and your children. You will need to understand that many young men will not be to happy to step into that deal and you may need to adjust your dating. Or alternatively you might have to take a few years off from dating until your children are less of an issue. By the way it’s almost always the teenage children that are the biggest problems.

He's got a point.

Maybe teach your kids to show respect. It shouldn't matter if they like him or not, they should still be civil

Well, he may as well recognize you and your kids as a package deal, but dealing with three hellions who hate you day and night definitely can drive away even the most determined people. Better find out what exactly the hate issue is about, and the sooner, the better.