Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
Guess your boyfriend's not as Charmin as you thought
KeyboardWarrior 10
I know right... Especially the 48th one...
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Comments (106)
sunflower226 0
...or maybe the cheap brand of women he's using????
GroovyGravy 7
Shut. Down. Everything
starman02 12
Is that what they call std's now a days? cheap T.P?
josiemorehouse 12
OP: get a checkup. Unless your bf had scented TP and you're allergic, there is no way you'd get your snatch all swollen and itchy from wiping with cheap TP unless you were rubbing too hard right after a bout of rough sex with a cleanly shaved cooch. Sorry, girl, you got the funk. Time to get some antibiotics... And a new man!!!
BornToFlyThenDie 0
Tell him to get better toilet paper or you will dumb his ass. That should help, if it doesn't, dumb his ass.
downtime 13
Most people learn from their mistakes...
BornToFlyThenDie 0
Really? Now that you mention it, that does make sense. I should start doing that. XD
kellyrose0322 13
Why is he using toilet paper on his penis? 0.o
BornToFlyThenDie 0
Guys shit to you know.
smbio 17
The first line of the FML implies something much different from toilet paper...
shaniquaaa 8
Is it calles the clap?
Calyx_fml 22
Tell your bf that it needs a saliva salve.
taydeezy 0
tyme toeave him