Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
Guess your boyfriend's not as Charmin as you thought
KeyboardWarrior 10
I know right... Especially the 48th one...
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Comments (106)
kateRAWR 4
Well just think when my dad was at university he had to wipe his ass with newspaper so just be thankful you have toilet paper !!!!!!!!
br0ccoli 15
Um... Are you a hyper wiper?! Maybe you're just allergic to it? If so, put some cortisone on it. Dont itch the vag while driving. They will put you in jail for lewd behavior in a public area if you look like you're masturbating.
cookeemonster 7
Ooooh, sorry OP! Hate to be u right now... Hope it turns out ok
mikepattonfan 0
That's exactly what I
silencebabyy 23
Thought you were gonna say something else.... hope the swelling goes down and you stop itching
Amethyst99 2
i used to suffer from the same thing until i took an arrow to the ******...
GetDirtyDoWork 1
Maybe its just herpes..
Brax0826 0
Is that what the call chlymedia these days
lesbopony 0
Hey, since it's swollen, at least it will be tighter when he ***** you (;
FaithDawson 8
...So what's the name of that brand so I can avoid it??