Sex, Boredom and Love: Boredom - FML

Boredom

By alhummel21 - 12/02/2009 07:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 766

You deserved it 52 047

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Same thing different taste

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 948

You deserved it 4 228

By ozzy - 06/11/2016 09:18 - United States - Campbell

Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 887

You deserved it 1 151

By hopeless - 14/02/2015 20:04 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 739

You deserved it 2 882

By thedudeman14 - 05/11/2014 22:21 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 442

You deserved it 3 174

Nice try

By Proof-Reader - 15/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 407

You deserved it 31 973

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 727

You deserved it 3 613

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Spicy

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 789

You deserved it 13 024

By SeeBrendenBurn - 21/11/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 778

You deserved it 5 667

By UnfortunatelySingle - 21/07/2015 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 429

You deserved it 3 377

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 113

You deserved it 23 450

Next

Top comments

csigabajnok 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 14:24

Why didn't you start texting too? Maybe you should have sent her a message to pay damn attention or something.

ohgeez 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 17:31

Hrmm....I'm not saying I'm amazing at it, but from what I can tell, texting is the last thing on the girls mind.... I'd actually be impressed if she could type complete sentences.

Comments

Timmytwofinger 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 14:20

maybe get better at giving head?

imnotc00l 10

Friday 25 September 2015 0:24

You do know head and eating a girl out are different right?

csigabajnok 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 14:24

Why didn't you start texting too? Maybe you should have sent her a message to pay damn attention or something.

deadkenn8 0

Monday 22 March 2010 22:08

bahahaha you win everything forever. awesome idea!

brice_garrett 0

Tuesday 28 September 2010 2:44

no, u shoulda started sexting

greenman_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 15:43

that'll teach you to never go down on a girl again. how dare she disrespect such selfless acts?

rihno13 2

Thursday 12 February 2009 17:14

that's f***d up!!!! I'd never do that if my bf's down on me......

ohgeez 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 17:31

Hrmm....I'm not saying I'm amazing at it, but from what I can tell, texting is the last thing on the girls mind.... I'd actually be impressed if she could type complete sentences.

rylijae 0

Friday 25 February 2011 6:20

haha me too!

katieatieay 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 22:08

#12 beat me to it.

pezzlo 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 23:17

What do a 9-volt battery and an a**hole have in common? No matter how hard you try you always end up touching it with your tongue.

MissLyonsBaby 4

Thursday 20 October 2011 14:11

Dont get it?

mooseylou 4

Sunday 2 September 2012 12:33

Lolll

LenWK 0

Friday 13 February 2009 1:18

You must be doing it wrong.

blah_blah_shity 0

Friday 13 February 2009 1:48

awww. LOL

bafinney 0

Friday 13 February 2009 4:44

cum on her cell phone. sticky keys are a bitch.

Ttime21921 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:02

win.

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Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Family Fight Kids Love Work Students Relatable Birds Animals Noise Sleep Mental health Contraception Medication Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Food Boredom

The Top

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 337

You deserved it 15 970

The Top

Today, it's my birthday. I'd planned an outside party in my backyard, and I'd invited all of my friends. Only 2 of them showed up. It also rained today, even though it wasn't supposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 184

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 808

You deserved it 28 452

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 179

You deserved it 7 906

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 130

You deserved it 10 100

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: my students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 022

You deserved it 4 398

Today, I woke up and realized I was soaked. The night before, I'd felt cramps so I was convinced it was my period… until I realized that my cat had marked his territory on me. All my sheets and blankets had to be removed. Yup, soaked right through! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 186